My Funny Valentine
by TheSlyMistress
Summary: KisaIta AU. (KisaIta Week!) You don't always fall for the perfect person, sometimes they're not at all what you expect. Also: SasoDei & KakuHida
1. Hair

Everyday Itachi went to school and came home. Most teenagers would leave work inside the classroom, but Itachi hated to do such a thing. He enjoyed working for hours and hours on end. It distracted him from all the other stupid things. It was what he did best. He had straight A's and his parents were proud, but that was not enough. He had to work hard and get into a good college, maybe then he would be satisfied.

It was his senior year and he had pretty much applied to some of the top schools. Although he had an idea of what he wanted to do with his life. He never truly knew. Maybe he wanted to be a lawyer or a doctor? It mattered, but he decided not to worry.

He headed off to school as any regular old day, first class and the next class and the next, and on and on and on. He didn't need to truly pay attention as he had studied ahead. He always did. He never felt the need to let anyone know of his studying ahead. They need not know. He was a quiet, but smart person.

He headed to lunch and found himself sitting with the talkative Deidara and the absent minded Sasori. Sasori and Deidara are an item, not that Sasori wanted to talk about it. He was clearly annoyed, but he loved the blonde boy anyhow. Itachi thought they were complete opposites, but they were truly made for each other.

"Well. Valentine's Day ball is a month away and you don't have a date." Deidara talked with his mouth fill of food. "I mean even your brother has a date." Deidara points to the other side of the cafeteria to Sasuke. He is currently arguing with Naruto, his rival.

"They hate each other." Itachi responded. He bit into his apple. "I do not want to go to a stupid dance."

"Why Not!" Deidara whined. "You fun sucker. We are goanna get you someone. Even if it kill me"

"No. That's not necessary." Itachi responded. "You can save your self sacrifice for another day."

"Why?" Deidara asked. "You need to go. Hey what about Hidan?"

"Hidan?"

"Yeah. Isn't he single?" Deidara taps his aloof boyfriend who gives him a death stare.

"Yeah." Sasori said. He returns back to his food. He eats slowly as if to catch every bite.

"Me and Hidan?" Itachi rolls his eyes. "Anyways. What makes you think I am gay?"

"Well you want a girl we can get you a girl." Deidara spoke recklessly. Itachi truly didn't find a single man or woman attractive. For him attraction is not about gender, it was about a connection. He should be able to connect with that person. Chemistry was the word.

"Dei, drop it." Sasori said. "He doesn't want a date."

"Sasori! He needs a date." Deodar said. "There is nothing the matter with me wanting my best friend to have a date."

"Guys. If I want a date, I would have one." Itachi crunched his apple. He eats it down to the core. "Also I cringe at the idea of me and Hidan going together."

"Bitch I am sexy." Hidan pats Itachi on the back. "Anyways I don't want to go out with your ass anyway."

"You got a date?" Deodar face brightens.

"No." Hidan said. "Lord Jashin would hate me if I attended a dance full of heathens."

"This psycho cult religion again?" Deidara and Itachi sigh.

"Hey I will sacrifice you, if you say another word." Hidan mutters

"Good. Deodars first, so he can stop asking me to go to the dance." Itachi rolled his eyes. He mutters something under his breathe and finishes the grapes he got. He loved fruit it was health, but sweet.

MyFunnyValentine...

After lunch Itachi found himself in swim class. He hated swimming and he hated water. Water was stupid and the idea of people playing in it, was beyond Itachi. The only thing it was good for are showers and drinking.

He quickly got into the pool at the teachers Might Guy orders. Swimming was always a boring activity and Itachi seemed to not be able to pull it off as well. Guy decided the breaststroke was the stroke of the day. Itachi found it to be difficult. Who could move their legs in such an odd fashion?

He demonstrated the stroke on a bench, as he could not get into the water. This was dumb. How was he supposed to learn to swim, when the instructor didn't even get in the water? He decided to let it go and watch Guy's movements.

Then a boy with blue skin steps out the locker rooms. Itachi had never seen him before. He was tall and had dark blue hair.

"Oh yes and class this is the new student." Guy said. "His name is Kisame Hoshigaki."

The new student known as Kisame splashes into the water. He along with the rest of the watch Might Guy did the demonstration on the bench. He then motions the rest of them to try. Itachi tried, but failed over and over.

Kisame on the other hand picks up quickly. He does the breaststroke as if it were second nature. His body was toned and muscular. He was in a way kind of attractive. Itachi blushes and turns his head away quickly. He can't be seen looking at another student.

Swim class ends with most of the class doing it correctly, save for Itachi and a few other students. Itachi was a little frustrated, but washed himself in the shower. The worst thing about swimming was washing his hair. It would get tangled in knots. Today they seemed not to want to loosen themselves. He hated his hair.

The bell rung and Itachi was left dealing with his hair. He had to finish fixing it. He tried to work the knots out when a figure appeared behind him. He turned to see Kisame.

"Hey." He said. "Need help."

"No." Itachi answered. He knew the new guy was being nice. He didn't want to be nice.

The taller boy grabbed his hair and began to untangle the knots. Itachi blushed from the contact.

"I said n..." Itachi let out a small sigh and a moan. The way he played with his hair felt so good. He realised his actions and let out a hot red blush. The rosy color danced around his face.

"Its alright. I use to do this all the time for my ex girlfriend." Kisame said. "We went swimming all the time." Kisame said working his hands through Itachi's scalp. He got the last know out and Itachi was angry that he stopped playing with his hair.

"Why'd you stop?" Itachi's mouth slipped words out.

"Finished." Kisame said.

"Thanks." Itachi said. "About the moan…"

"Don't worry about it." Kisame said. "Don't mention it." He smiles and Itachi finds himself blushing. He wasn't the type everyone found attractive, but for some reason Itachi thought the man was. It was something about him.

Kisame waved and walked out the locker room. He was not a regular beauty. Was he? Itachi was left with this thought and he put his hair in a ponytail. He let out a breath.

'In control' he said to himself. 'In control'

MyFunnyValentine...

 **Happy KisaIta Week! Tell me what you thought!**


	2. Finding a Date

Itachi found His day to be somewhere in between boredom and more so annoying. He was so happy to retire himself to his room for the night. Between Deidara's annoying talking and Hidan's loud mouth, he was done with people for today. He still wonders why he is even friends with any of them. They are annoying.

He began analyzing his homework and other assignments that were do. He had completed most of them, like he always did, but he loved to check them over. Everyone, even a perfectionist, like himself, makes mistakes.

The only class he seemed to be struggling in was swimming. It was so hard, he cursed the day he began that class. It was torture. The water was always cold, and the people were annoying. He found no joy in swimming, but the new kid today was in a word intrusive. Who in their right mind would touch Itachi's hair? His hair was the blackest and the most beautiful thing about him. He thought it was the most beautiful thing about him also.

Kisame on the other hand wasted no time going in on his hair. Playing with it and cuddling it like a toy. What Itachi could not get over was the pleasure he felt. Kisame's blue hand caressed his head in such a way. The way he moved over his ear. His hands were a little rough, but Itachi's scalp enjoyed every little sensation. He cursed his mind. When he stopped, Itachi wanted to yell the words "Why did you stop. I was enjoying that."

A sweat dropped on his desk, and he pushed his thoughts back into his mind. He is real hung up over a guy he just met today. It was only hair. He enjoyed when his mom shampooed it, but her touch and his felt utterly different.

"Itachi." Sasuke busted in Itachi's room. Itachi almost fell out of the desk in which he sat. "Dinner."

"Okay." Itachi said. He got up from the table and went down the stairs. His mom had made pasta with chicken and a light Alfredo sauce.

"Hi honey." She said. His dad sat on the other side of the table digging in to his pasta. His dad, Fugaku was truly the biggest fan of Mikoto's cooking.

"Hi." Itachi sat in front of his pasta and ate in small bites. He loved Alfredo, but he also was a stickler for respect and curtsy. He remembered his mom always saying, "If you act like a pig, people will think your poor." to which Itachi replied, "Dad eats like one." She would laugh and say "Yeah, but only at home. Not in public."

Since then Itachi has never eaten in a barbaric manner. Even his mother ate with class and never stuffed her mouth. Sasuke on the other hand fluctuated, sometimes he did and other times he didn't.

"So who are you taking to the valentines ball?" Mikoto asked.

"Yeah boys." Fugaku said. "You taking Naruto?" Fugaku looked to Sasuke.

"Not funny." Sasuke stated. "I don't like him."

"Alright." Fugaku said unconvinced. "Itachi you taking a girl? Or will I never get grandchildren." Fugaku knew Sasuke wasn't… let's just say Girl friendly.

"I am not going." Itachi said.

"Well Sasuke have kids by surrogate. I am not going to get anything from Itachi and you are my only hope."

"Yeah." Sasuke said. "Itachi will be sullivant." Fugaku began to laugh.

"Sasuke and Fugally leave Itachi alone. He will find that special someone." Mikoto said. "Now Itachi I don't care who you go with, boy or girl. As long as you go. And you will go."

"Why?" Itachi asked.

"I am making you." She said. Itachi said nothing and ate his pasta. He couldn't believe his mom was actually making him go.

Itachi would have to find a date then.

MyFunnyValentine...

"So boy or girl." Deidara gushed. He was so happy to be setting Itachi up on a blind date. This was truly the happiest day of his life; well Itachi could see it in his eyes. He grabbed the poor weasel and they sat. "So tell me."

"I am not sure of my preference." Itachi stated. "Never thought about it."

"Ahhhh. Well you need to. Would you want to marry a guy or girl?" Deidara stated. "Not at all hard."

"I don't know."

"Guy!"

"What!"

"When you're in doubt, you're gay." Deidara stated. "Now I am going to go swimming in some hot ponds and find you a hot guy."

"Deidara!" Itachi moaned. "I am fine. I shouldn't have... Forget it." Itachi was fed up.

"No." Deidara said. "We will find you a date."

Itachi put his head down in defeat. Deidara was not going to let this go.

myfunnyvalentine...

Tell me what you thought.

Thanks to Robo Arrow for the review!


	3. Prep

"Why so worked up Dei." Sasori said to his boyfriend who walked back and forth around his room. He had shallow breathes as if he had just ran a marathon. Sasori had grown bored and sat on the bed. He was over Deidara small panic. Then he began doing his work, and now he found himself annoyed.

"What the hell is your problem?" Sasori said.

"Itachi." Deidara wheezed.

"Another fight?" Sasori asked. Deidara and Itachi were known to get into it a lot of fights. Sasori hated those, because his boyfriend was a competitive one.

"No. I am supposed to find him a date. Problem is no one likes him." Deidara plopped down of his white bedspread. He looked up to the ceiling and cursed his luck. He would be the one setting Itachi up on a date, but Itachi was difficult and weird. Who liked anti-social, weird, and unfriendly?

"Well see, if no one likes him. Get someone similar. Someone nobody's likes." Sasori answered hoping Deidara would hush.

"You're a genius." Deidara said giving Sasori a kiss. "I got the perfect guy."

"Dei." Sasori said, breaking the kiss.

"Hmmmm." Deidara hummed.

"Want to play a game?" Sasori asked.

"Ohhhhhh. Sasori I love games." Deidara smiled. Sasori smirked at his boyfriend's eagerness. He was always in a rush.

"Okay this one is called, how fast can you cum." Sasori smirked with devilish eyes. Deidara turned him on.

"What do you mean? Like fetch." Deidara was so blonde. Satori almost laughed at how dense he was.

"Shut up and lay down." Sasori pushed Deidara on the bed.

Next moment we're filled with lust filled sounds, and Sasori pounding Deidara (not that Deidara didn't enjoy it.)

MyFunnyValentine...

Itachi was fed up with his hair. Once again was it in its twisted and uncomfortable state. The damn locks were intertwined again. He rushed and tried to fix it quickly as the next class was going to start soon. It seemed not to want to bend to Itachi's will.

"I hate you." Itachi whispered as if his hair was a person.

"Again?" A familiar voice said. It was Kisame. The guy Itachi had been thinking about ever since he first violated him.

"Yes again." Itachi muttered. "I got it this time."

"No I've watched you pull and hurt yourself for the last five minutes." Kisame chuckled.

Itachi breathed a shallow breath. Be was watching him?

"Need help?" Kisame asked.

"I said I am fine and it always acts like this and I get it under control."

Kisame began to grab Itachi's hair again and began to pull it out of its tangles. It hurt for a second then it became once again an escape, his hand running over his wet scalp. Itachi held back the noises that dare jump from his mouth. Kisame's hands running through his scalp felt like heaven.

Kisame's hands began to untangle Hus hair softly and quickly, now Itachi found himself in a trance.

"God." Itachi moaned lightly.

"Feel good?" Kisame asked.

"Uh..." Itachi went into a heated blush and silence.

"Done." Kisame said. His hands left his head and Itachi was left with nothing. 'Come back here.' He wanted to shout to him.

"Thanks." Itachi said in a blush and walked away. He was a little afraid because Kisame heard him moan twice already.

"No problem." Kisame said to the scattering Itachi. Itachi wanted to turn but he didn't. He kept walking until he reached the locker room door. The bell rung and he continued to his next class. He walked at the speed of light hoping to distance himself and Kisame. He walked as if Kisame was on his heels, but he knew he was all the way on the other end of the school by now.

"Hey." Deidara said. Itachi had bumped into Deidara in the hallway. "You seem in a hurry. Got something going on?"

"No." Itachi looked a little bewildered, like a blushing maniac.

"Anyways. I have found you a blind date." Deidara smiled. "So anyways he wants to meet tonight! Yay!"

Itachi didn't even respond. He just gave Deidara a cold glare.

"Anyways he's weird just like you and he wants to be a doctor or an accountant." Deidara gushed.

"Really. Tell me more." Itachi spoke sarcastically.

"You're a bummer. Anyways I will come over your house at five to help you get ready." Deidara smiled.

Itachi leaned on the lockers. "I don't my parents will let me go..."

MyFunnyValentine...

"Of course you are going." Mikoto stated.

"What." Itachi was not expecting his mother to bend so easily to the blind date thing. He was being set up and she was okay with it. What type of mom was she?

"Itachi you need some human interaction." Mikoto said. "Man or woman it doesn't matter. You need someone besides your calculator."

"Alright." Itachi walked away unsatisfied. His mother thought he talked to his calculator. That's not okay.

The time neared five and Deidara arrived five minutes early. Of course he dragged Sasori along. Sasori had this lazy I don't care look in his eyes. Deodars eyes on the other hand said I am so excited.

Deidara was smiling and gushing. He had two shopping bags in his hands. The boy had on a blue sweater and black pants. Sasori wore a red shirt and sweat pants.

"So are you ready?" Deidara gushed.

"No." Itachi said.

"Itachi... Let you're friends give you a makeover." Fugaku said as he walked past. "Will do your image some good. Do anything you want to him."

Itachi rolled his eyes. His dad was annoying him at the moment. He didn't need a make over.

"Make sure you take before and after pictures." Mikoto smiled and followed Fugaku.

"Where are you two going?" Itachi asked.

"I have a date with my woman." Fugaku smiled. "Come on baby."

"Oh Fugaku... How you make me swoon." Mikoto said following out the door. "By the way, Sasuke is over a friends house."

Itachi was left speechless. His parents are embarrassing.

"I love your parents." Deidara gushed. "I hate my parents. They are boring."

"Shut up." Sasori said. "Can we do this stupid make over shit."

"Hey Sasori. Don't be a meanie." Deodars grabbed Itachi by the arm and drug him up the stairs.

MyFunnyValentine...

After hours upon hours of prep and lessons Itachi looked beautiful. Deodars dressed him in an all black attire with his tight pants. Itachi felt so uncomfortable. He had on the most geougeous black jacket.

"You look fabulous!" Deidara gushed.

"You look alright." Sasori crossed his arms and sat on Itachi's bed.

The doorbell rung…

"It's him." Deidara began to jump.

Itachi felt nervous.

"Remember socialize. You have to talk." Deidara smiled. "Alright..."

Itachi opened the door. On the other side was big guy. He had to be about 6'3 he had stitches and he had long black hair.

"Hi I am Kakuzu." He said.

"Oh... Um... Hi I'm Itachi." Itachi said.

"So you ready?" Kakuzu said.

Itachi date seemed so something. He would have to get Deidara something really "really" nice?

MyFunnyValentine...

 **Okay yeah so Itachi and Kakuzu (Sheirks! But it plays a big part in the story.)**

 **Sasori33-001: Oh thanks and that Deidara quote was like spur of the moment. (He is so loud and proud!)**

 **Absolute Anarchy: Thanks so much! Mikoto and Fugaku are everything. Deodars also brightens up everyone's day**

 **P. Cythera: Thanks so much! I hope it was good this time.**

 **moonshadowcuteness1: (First of all love the username!) Thanks so much. I would of had it uploaded yesterday, but life got in the way.**


	4. Blind Date

"Open your mouth and project your words, no one wants a boring antisocial crazy person." Those were Deidara's words of advice with some un's. Deidara advice was not really helping right now. He had nothing much to say to the man known as Kakuzu as they headed to a restaurant.

"So what do you do for fun?" Itachi said remembering Deidara's advice 'build stimulating conversation.' Itachi thought he should at least say something to Kakuzu worthwhile. What did he like to do for fun? At this point he was his only contender for a date at the moment.

"I like to collect coins from different countries. I like counting money. I love money." He said. "You?' Itachi kept his eyes forward. He loved money? That was kind of greedy. Itachi always developed opinions of people after two minutes, but he decided to let it slide. He had to have a date right? And everyone can't be perfect.

"Um... I like to write." Itachi realized he didn't really have a hobby. He just kind of did school work and went back to work

"What type of things do you like to write?" Kakuzu asked taking an interest.

"Well like fan fiction." Itachi stated. He thought quickly on his feet.

"What show?" Kakuzu asked. Itachi eyes widen. He couldn't really say he wrote when he didn't write. He didn't even watch TV. What was Itachi supposed to say? He thought and shuffled through his mind.

"Um..." Itachi said.

"You don't really write fan fiction?" Kakuzu said. Itachi was silent. "It's alright, if you don't have a hobby say so."

"I don't truly have a hobby." Itachi confessed.

"Alright, what do you do in your free time?" Kakuzu whistled while driving at a comfortable speed. Itachi felt a little at ease. Kakuzu was okay with him not having a hobby?

"I just do work and more work." Itachi said. "I am kind of a work-a-holic." Itachi let the truth sink in. He had no hobbies. Here he was judging a man with a hobby, and he didn't have one himself.

"I see." Kakuzu said.

"Yeah, I have to focus on college and other things you know." Itachi said.

"So do you not want a relationship?" Kakuzu asked. Itachi felt a little guilty. Did he really want a relationship? He never had been one to long for companionship, but did that mean he did not need it. He felt compelled a little. He actually felt compelled to actually find what people loved about being in a relationship.

"I wouldn't be on a date, if I didn't want a relationship."

"I see." He said. He pulled up to the restaurant and they got out of the car. They headed into the restaurant and waitress sat them down.

The restaurant seemed nice, with the white table clothes and the place settings. Kakuzu pulled out Itachi's chair as if Itachi couldn't do it himself. He felt patronized. He was an adult, and fully capable of pulling out his own chair.

"So have you been here before?" Itachi asked, again trying to start conversation. Deidara warned him that he should always try to make conversation with other people. His biggest thing was don't be anti social.

"No." He said. "To expensive, but Deidara told me you weren't a cheap thrill so."

"A cheap thrill." Itachi stated. "I am not a prostitute."

"I know." Kakuzu said. "I was a joke." Itachi covered his blush with the menu. He had gotten a little snappy, and it was only a joke. Excuse him; he just didn't want Kakuzu the wrong impression. He wouldn't sleep with just any body. Actually he never considered sleeping with someone. Is that how dates work? Was Kakuzu expecting him to?

Itachi began to breathe and took deep ones.

"You okay over there?" Kakuzu asked.

"Me? Of course." Itachi said. He began to search the menu for something that seemed appetizing. He really wanted a dango of course.

"If you want to ask a question. Ask it." Kakuzu said. Itachi's eyes widen. "I am sorry. I just hate indecisiveness."

"Alright." Itachi started at his menu. He didn't once look up while answering his next question, "Do we have to have sex?"

"Sex. Why would we have sex?" Kakuzu asked.

"I mean. Is it standard." Itachi made a face. "I mean is it standard for two people to engage in that act. You know, after a date."

"No you at least have to have three dates." Kakuzu stated and laughed.

"What's so funny?" Itachi asked.

"You don't plan sex. You just do what you do." Kakuzu said. "But if you insist. Sure after tonight's date. We can do it."

Itachi frowned while Kakuzu laughed. He was ignorant to this type of humor.

"Itachi. There is no sex. Sex is something you feel not just do." Kakuzu said.

"I was wondering did you want to?"

"If you don't. I don't."

"Okay. Let's talk about something else." Itachi decided. "How about this. Where do you want to go to college?"

"I wanted to study medics at Akatsuki University."

"I heard of that place. They have such high expectations. I want to go there to."

"What course did you want to study?"

"I don't have a true idea yet. Maybe business." Itachi stated unsure of what the future held. They began talking about business, as Kakuzu stated he wanted to minor in the subject. He seemed AI sure of himself.

When they ordered, Itachi got pasta, while Kakuzu went for steak and potatoes. While eating Itachi sort of relaxed. Kakuzu was easy to talk to. He spoke fluently and eloquently. Itachi was surprised at how much he relaxed and began to talk to a total stranger.

After dinner, Itachi discovered their meal was free because they messed up Kakuzu's order the last time. Kakuzu seemed stoked. He was a lover of money.

They walked outside and into the car. In the car they spoke about different thing such as food and traveling. He took Itachi back to his house. They got out the car. Kakuzu gave Itachi a hug and a peck on the cheek.

Itachi blushed. "Uh."

"Have a good night." Kakuzu said.

Itachi smiled and said. "You too." Itachi walked into the house to find everyone looking out the window.

"Yay! Itachi! Yay." Deidara said.

"You get 'em tiger." His mother said.

'You got a kiss on the cheek." Sasori stated with no emotion.

"That's my boy." Fugaku said.

"Maybe dad will get grandkids." Sasuke smirked.

"Good night." Itachi turned and walked up the stairs. No way he would be able to with stand the teasing from his parents.

MyFunnyValentine...

So Itachi and Kakuzu huh! Tell me what you thought!

Absolute Anarchy: Thanks so much! (We all would secretly watch Deidara's and Sasori's little game lmao!) Also I know Itachi and Kakuzu are so odd.

P. Cythera: thanks and I know Deidara is hilarious!

Moonshadowcuteness1: Thanks so much! I hope you liked this one!


	5. Karakoo

"What are you doing?" Hidan asked Deidara. They were currently on the phone, and Deidara called Hidan ready to gush about Itachi's and his date.

"Nothing, un." Deidara bubbled in happiness unable to suppress his emotion. "Guess who had a date?"

"You left Sasori." Hidan said. "It is about time, god you cry about stupid shit. Sasori didn't make me a puppet. Sasori doesn't care about me. Sasori thinks he is better than me." Sasori and Deidara barely go on dates, so Hidan assumed Deidara had a new boyfriend.

"No." Deidara said. "I didn't have a date." Deidara was about to question Hidan, but forgot the comment when Hidan asked the next question.

"Who did then?" Hidan asked.

"Itachi!" Deidara screeched. Hidan almost dropped his phone, Deidara was known to talk loud and proud. It was like he was seven years old. Hidan never understood how someone could be so freakin' happy all the time. Like shut the fuck up!

"Okay. Deidara. You scream in my ear one more time and I will castrate you and feed your dick to the lions." Hidan growled.

Deidara gasped. Deidara on the other hand could not understand what made Hidan so rude and mean. Also what made Itachi so antisocial and boring?

"Now talk slow." Hidan said.

"Alright. Ass. Anyways, I set Itachi up on a date. He didn't say much about it, but they must of had a decent time because he kissed him." Deidara went on. "Yeah saw it through the window and Itachi was blushing."

"Itachi can blush?" Hidan questioned.

"I know. I was so lost too." Deidara said. "He was flushed also."

"Well at least Itachi is getting some dick." Hidan said. "What was the guys name?"

"Karakoo." Deidara said.

"Sounds exotic." Hidan laughed. "So did Itachi get dicked out?"

"No!" Deidara said. "Why would Itachi engage in sex on the first date?" Hidan was one to have his mind deep down inside the gutter. It was like he was just sex, sex, and more sex. It was one of his favorite topics.

"Hey. It's manners. He could've at least gave him head." Hidan said.

"What?" Deidara shocking said.

"Did he pay for dinner?" Hidan asked in a very intrusive manner. Deidara went through his mind abs thought about the answer. Itachi didn't reveal any information about the date so he was a little taken by the question.

"I think Karakoo paid." Deidara decided to say.

"I see. Well Itachi should have been grateful and gave head. It happens in all the pornos, and hell I would of done it."

"You probably have an STD." Deidara said.

"Nah. I only had sex with two people, my ex-boyfriend and my secret boyfriend." Hidan said.

"Who was the other one?" Deidara asked. "I can't believe you had another boyfriend."

"Yeah. It was a secret. His name was Kakuzu." Hidan said. "We dated for a while. Loved him dearly, but he was too cheap so we broke up. He gave the best dick."

"Ewwww. That names sounds familiar." Deidara said.

"I know. He goes to our school dumb ass." Hidan said.

The doorbell rung and Deidara was started. "I have to go. The doorbell rang. Sasori my man is here." Deidara hangs up the phone and goes to meet Sasori.

MyFunnyValentine...

Itachi wasn't the type to obsess over things. Things like homework and his studies were an exception, and college, but usually he let things go. That was not the case this time as he found that his family would not let it go. The date with Kakuzu was a date. It happen a day ago and Itachi had no interest in talking about it.

He didn't really know how he felt about Kakuzu. He didn't hate him, but he didn't love him either. Is one supposed to love another after one date? It was a question that bothered him for such a time. He decided to let it just be. He couldn't go back in time and stop the date.

He got himself ready for another horrible day of school. Deidara no doubt would heckle him all day, and Sasori would state deeply into his soul at lunch. Hidan on the other hand, if he showed up to school, would definitely know about the date from Deidara. Deidara had a huge and big mouth; there was no stopping him. He could talk for hours and hours on end. It was a blessing his voice box had not worn to pieces.

Then came the thought, what if he saw Kakuzu today. Were they like boyfriends, lovers, or engaged? Itachi took the idea over board.

He headed into school, and hoped the day went by super fast. When lunchtime came he sat at the table and Deidara didn't talk about the date much. He went on and on about how he loved art and this cool statue he made. Sasori would chime in every once in a while, and Itachi would comment when Deidara took a bite of his food. That's when he was forced to shut up.

Hidan came over and joined the table. "What up bitches. There is my little slut." He directed his comments to Itachi.

"I am not a slut." Itachi said. Itachi was not one for Hidan's crazy behavior.

"Okay. So I heard you had a date." Hidan stated. Itachi gave Deidara a cold glare; he knew Deidara would tell everyone.

"I did. It was nice."

"Do you like him?"

"Don't know." Itachi answered truthfully. He did not know where they currently stood as of right at this moment. Itachi just kind of feels he should just go with it. He was glad he didn't bump into him today.

"Alright." Hidan said. "So you don't know how you feel about Karakoo."

"Karakoo?" Itachi questioned.

"Isn't that the fuckers name?" Hidan stated.

"No it is Kakuzu." Itachi turned back to his food. Hidan eyes widen.

"Oh wait, un." Deidara smiled. "That's his name. I always get him confused. Hehehehe!" Deidara laughs. Then he gasps. "So Itachi is dating your ex."

Itachi looked up from his food. "Itachi. I hate you." Hidan walks away from the table. "You burn in hell you fuck up bitch."

MyFunnyValentine...

W **ell Itachi is dating Kakuzu who use to be Hidan's lol! Anyways tell me what you thought!**

 **Reviews:**

 **Sasori33-001: Thanks for letting me know! I have to fix that in the last chapter! Also figured Itachi would be odd when it came to sex. Kakuzu and Itachi is odd, but hey it seems alright in its own way**

 **AbsoluteAnarchy: Cockatoo lmao! Also Deidara does give the best advice! He is so fabulous!**

 **P. Cythera: Your review had me dying lol! Kakuzu is such a gold digger. I know there is very little chemistry, and Itachi sort of sees it too.**

 **Moonshadowcuteness1: Itachi is the cutest when he blushes (especially when Kisame is playing with his hair.)**


	6. Birds and the Bees

Itachi knew Hidan was very upset. He didn't speak to him at all for the next day, and Itachi wondered what did he do? He didn't even sit with them at the lunch table. Deidara was the one who sat them up. Hell he didn't really even want Kakuzu, so why the hell was he the horrible one. It was just one date, and that was all it was. Who cares?

Itachi knew one thing, that he should've never taken that date. He knew he could find someone on his own. He didn't need Deidara.

The same blonde, who got him in this mess, had the nerve to come to his house.

"Hey Itachi, yeah." Deidara said. "How's my favorite mopey teenager."

"Leave." Itachi groaned. He laid back on his bed, and hoped Deidara would leave, but he knew he wouldn't. Deidara loved to fuck with people to no end. He was so annoying. How did Sasori put up with him?

"Oh. Itachi wherefore are thou." Deidara acted dramatic. Itachi sat up.

"Did you just attempt to quote Shakespeare?" Itachi asked.

"Maybe. Maybe not?" Deidara said. "Why are you just laying in the bed? You know you broke Hidan's heart."

"You're the one who sat up that date." Itachi concluded.

"Yeah, and hey I thought his name was Karakoo." Deidara said. "I mean what type of name is Kakuzu anyways. Who the hell names their child Kakuzu?"

"I don't want to talk about this." Itachi decided.

"Okay." Deidara said. "I just came to talk about something else anyways." Deidara smiled, and Itachi sighed.

"You won't leave till I talk to you?" Itachi mumbled.

"Yep." Deidara smiled.

"Okay what!" Itachi really didn't want to hear the sound of Deidara's voice. He was the reason him and Hidan were at war. Itachi didn't even understand why they were even arguing. They were friends, and Kakuzu was just a guy. A guy Itachi probably didn't want to see again. One date, just one date.

"Well I plan on going all the way with Sasori." Deidara said. "I am so confused on like what to do. I need advice, and I tried to talk to Hidan. He doesn't want to speak to me because I had part in setting up you and Karakoo. Anyways do you have any advice?"

"I thought you and him already had sex?" Itachi said.

"No. It's like fingering and shit like that." Deidara said. "I also gave him a blow job, but that was all in good fun. I made him return the favor tho! You know he caught an attitude with me, like I sucked yours so suck mine… yeah. You know what I mean Itachi."

"No I do not." Itachi covered his ears. He did not need to see Deidara and Itachi fucking like there is no tomorrow. He now had an image and he prayed it will go away. Ewwwww!

"Well yeah." Deidara shrugged. "So any advice."

"None." Itachi was silent. "I have never had sex. So how would I know?"

"Well we can get you laid and then you can give me some advice." Deidara smiled. "I know a guy."

"No!" Itachi said. "You are not setting me up on anymore dates. EVER!"

"Awwwe." Deidara sighed. "I am really good at it."

"Yeah. You are so good at picking out people's exes." Itachi groaned.

"Well would you mind if I asked your mom for advice." Deidara said. "She seems like she gives good advice, and your dad is satisfied."

"NO!" Itachi said. "You will not bring my mother in on your sex life."

Just as Itachi spoke of her, Mikoto peeked her head in the room.

"Did someone need the birds and the bee's talk?" She asked.

"Me!" Deidara turned to her. He smiled widely. Itachi frowned and thought 'fuck my life'.

MyFunnyValentine…

Tomorrow came, and school was in session. Itachi was ruined forever. Hidan would no doubt be here and angry. He always had some type of attitude. Today, his attitude would be directed at Itachi. Itachi didn't have the energy to argue with Hidan, the man was too much already.

Itachi hadn't seen Hidan and Kakuzu today, and he was glad. That was until lunch. He sat at the table with Deidara and Sasori. Although Itachi didn't want to sit there after he listen to Mikoto explain to Deidara sex and all that's under the sun. It was something terrible, and sadly Itachi will never forget. He hated the thought, and it kept coming back like a boomerang.

Itachi began to eat, and Deidara and Sasori were locked in another conversation about art.'Why is he even friends with them?' he thinks.

"Hello." Itachi jumped as Hidan poked his backside with his tray.

"Ouch." Itachi said. "Don't push me around."

"I am trying to get to my seat." Hidan frowned. Itachi scooted his chair, and Hidan sat closer to the wall. Itachi was wondering what in the hell made him come back. He had a true attitude and he seemed angry. Itachi was about to retreat to the library. He was not the scream match kind of person.

"What?" Itachi said. Hidan kept staring at him and Itachi was feeling odd.

"Well, I am…. We can be friends." Hidan said. "Again?"

"Really." Itachi stated.

"Yeah. It was Deidara's fault and you were just innocent." Hidan said.

"Good. Nice to be your friend again." Itachi took a bite of his pear.

Hidan frowned. "I need you to break up with Kakuzu."

"We are not dating." Itachi said.

"Well. I think you are, so tell him you can't see him anymore." Hidan said. Itachi gave Hidan a look. What the hell was his problem? He and Kakuzu were not dating, and if he said so. It was so. He just wanted Hidan to leave him alone.

"We are not together?" Itachi said confused.

"Do you text and talk to him on the phone?" Hidan asked.

"Well we started texting a while ago." Itachi said. Kakuzu texted him before Itachi knew about him and Hidan, but Itachi didn't want to be rude and stop talking to him.

"Well stop. Tell him you can't see him."

"Why?" Itachi questioned. Deidara and Sasori began to watch the too.

"Because I want you too." Hidan smiled.

"Well, you can't tell me what to do." Itachi crossed his arms. "I can do whatever the hell I want to."

"Look you little whore." Hidan hissed. "You break up with him or….. or…. you just forget about this friendship. I can tell you what to fucking do if I want to. He is not yours."

"Last time I checked. He wasn't yours either." Itachi smirked.

"Don't push it." Hidan crossed his arms. "Don't get fucked up."

"I do what I want."

"You do what I tell you." Hidan tried to correct him.

"Okay." Itachi got up and walked across the cafeteria to where Kakuzu was sitting. He gave Kakuzu the biggest. kiss.

"Itachi get it!" Deidara exclaimed. Hidan gave Deidara a look that could kill. "I mean boo. Bad Itachi. Whore!"

"I fucking hate him!" Hidan hissed. He pounded the table, and everyone around him gasped. They turned to him, and it was as if everyone could feel his temperature rising. He looked angry, and Deidara's eyes widened. Even Sasori didn't want to meet Hidan's angry glare. Yep he was going to kill Itachi.

MyFunnyValentine…

Itachi was feeling kind of bad. He was leading Kakuzu on. It had been two days since he kissed him in and cafeteria and now he had went on another date with him yesterday. There was no spark, but he was getting something out of it. He was pissing Hidan off, and it felt so good.

Every time he kissed Kakuzu he could feel Hidan anger, and it felt so right. He would always give Kakuzu a kiss when he sees him in the hall, and Hidan was near. It was so fun to piss him off.

"Hey." Itachi turned from his locker to see that man who helps him with his hair. It was Kisame, the guy from swimming.

"Hey." Itachi said. They were not in swimming so why was he here?

"Hi. I am new here, and um I don't know that many people." Kisame smiled, his toothy grin. "I wanted to know would you go out with me."

"Huh?" Itachi was confused. "With me?"

"I think you're so pretty." He said. Itachi turned red. "I am sorry, am I coming on too strong?"

"No." Itachi blushed harder. The man that untangled his hair was asking him out. Itachi never thought about Kisame like that. He had a nice body, and it was firm. He was tall, and he had a great smile. Kisame was a nice looking boy, and he wanted Itachi.

"So what do you say?" Kisame asked.

"Ummmm… I am…. I have to…." Itachi mumbled through his blushes. Should he say yes. Yes he should. He should say yes. "Y…."

"Hey. Itachi." Kakuzu approached Itachi. "You miss me from last night."

"Oh." Kisame said, and walked away. Itachi wanted to scream. Kisame had left, and Itachi could've cried. Damn, he was just about to say yes. He had forgot all about Kakuzu the future doctor.

"Who was that?" Kakuzu asked.

"No one." Itachi said. He was about to curse himself because he had made a mistake. This was all Hidan's fault. Truly it was his, but who wants to take responsibility for their actions.

MyFunnyValentine….

Itachi decided he didn't really want Kakuzu and he had to break up with him. Damn his luck. He had been going steady with him for about a week, and it wasn't the most enjoyable thing. He was only dating him to piss Hidan off, and that is not a reason to date anyone. Itachi should be ashamed of himself.

So he was heading over to Hidan's and he was going to speak to him. Maybe they could repair their friendship.

"Hi." Itachi said to Hidan's mother, Keima.

"Hello. Hear to see Hidan." She said.

"Yep." Itachi said.

"Up stairs." She said.

Itachi walked in and headed up the stairs. Unlike Hidan, his house was tidy and neat. It was very organized, well except Hidan's room of course. It was like it was a separate entity. It had black walls, and the bedspread was blood red. The carpet was black, and everything was out of place.

"Hello." Itachi said. "I come in peace."

"What the fuck do you want? You man stealing slut!" Hidan screeched.

"I am sorry." Itachi said. "I don't like Kakuzu."

"Then why did you kiss him, bitch." Hidan hissed. Itachi frowned. Hidan was so vulgar and angry.

"I was pissing you off because you tried to control me." Itachi said. "I am my own person. I may date whomever I want."

"Okay, but not my man." Hidan said.

"Oh why'd you break up?" Itachi asked.

"Mom got mad. We were skipping school, and she said if I go to school. I can see him again." Hidan said. "I can't stand that bitch. She thinks she can control me. Then she fucking said that if I had to come straight home after school. Fuck her."

"Sorry." Itachi said. "Hey you should go to the dance with him."

"I should?" Hidan said. "Then fuck him afterwards." They both laughed.

"Hey. You know the kid, Kisame, asked me out." Itachi said. "I think he is kind of cute."

"SO! He is sexy. I'd fuck 'em." Hidan said. "Go get 'em just break up with my baby."

"Okay." Itachi said. "I was only dating him to piss you off."

"So friends!" Hidan said.

"Yep!" Itachi said. They both smiled.

"I can still kill Deidara! Right!" Hidan said.

"He started this, so we both can kill him." Itachi smiled. "Karakoo!" They both began to laugh, and now they were friends again. Now all Itachi had to do was break up with Kakuzu.

MyFunnnyValentine….

 **So How was it!**

 **This chapter was long because I had to get through a lot. Oh and Kisame asked Itachi out yay!**

 **AbsoluteAnarchy: Thanks so much! :) Karakoo is the best name ever XD Deidara is so cute! He is totally everything. Also yeah soap opera and Hidan was so pissed. ;)**

 **Moonshadowcuteness1: They are kwaii Lmao :) Thanks so much! I Hopeed you enjoyed this chapter! ;)**

 **ifellinloveandhatedit: Karakoo! The best name ever LMAO! I came up with it as I tried to find a name close to Kakuzu! Thanks for the review :)**

 **Thatoneblackchick: Thank and Hidan and Itachi now are going to kill Dei. Thanks and I hoped you enjoyed this chapter :)**


	7. Captured

Deidara was just a person, he might be a little crazy, but he was normal. He was very nervous when he received his report card, friday afternoon. He was very smart and very intellectual. He only had one problem, chemistry. Chemistry was the easiest subject Deidara had ever encountered. He even wanted to be a chemist, but he was in chemistry B.

Part B was mostly lab work, and as fate would have it. He couldn't do a single thing right. He was too curious. He loved to play with the different chemicals, and watch to see what they turn into. Which resulted in a lot of failed projects for him and his lab partners. Most of the class refused to partner with him because of his little quirk.

So Deidara let a quiet huff as his last period teacher sat down his report card on his desk. It was upside down, of course. Deidara let out a decent huff, and he didn't want to turn it over, at all. He closed his eyes, maybe in hopes that his paper would disappear. He opened them and it was still there.

 _Damn it, un…._ He groaned inwardly.

He flipped the paper over and found a perfect F on his paper. He groaned to himself. Why the hell did he have to get a F? His mom will never let him attend the dance with Sasori with a F.

"I hate my life, yeah!" Deidara shouted. Everyone turned to him in class. Deidara quickly covered his mouth. He couldn't stand the attention.

He blushed and excused himself from the class. He went to his locker. What the hell was he to do? He needed to go to the dance with Sasori. Well they had a chemistry test soon, but he wouldn't be able to pass as he dosen't know a damn thing about the experiments they do. He was too busy doing his own.

He then had an idea. He just could sneak into the computer and change his grade?

 _Bad idea…._

Then he had another.

 _I could find the smartest nerd in there and have the tutor me… YASSSS! Good job Dei! God I sound like Sasori. I love Sasori… He is super hot. Super hot… He is sexy. I love to play peek a boo with him…. He talk so…. OMG I love Sasori… But who didn't know that I did. I can't wait to see him after school…. maybe he can tutor me… Nah he ain't take this class yet. Who cares, after school he can show me how he makes puppets maybe? Oh he made me this nice one last week. Sasori is bae._

"Hey Deidara." A voice said. "What cha smiling at?"

Deidara woke from his daydream. "Kisame. You're in my chemistry class."

"Yeah." Kisame scratched his head.

"Well what did you get…"

"An A. Why?" Kisame asked.

"Could you tutor me?" Deidara asked. "PLEASE!"

"Fine." Kisame sighed. "But the test is in two days."

"Well how about after school tomorrow and the day after that." Deidara smiled.

"I have swimming." Kisame said.

"Okay well after swim practice, six maybe, yeah." Deidara smiled. "Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah…"

"Yeah. Just stop saying yeah." Kisame frowned.

"YAY!" Deidara hugged Kisame in a tight hug. "Oh shit class, un… Bye Kisame!"

Kisame was left speechless.

MFV…..

Itachi had to break up with Kakuzu and it was not the happiest thing he had to do. He wanted to, but still that didn't mean he was happy to do it. It was a pleasant surprise when Kisame asked him out, and he wanted to say yes. He wasn't really one of those people who wanted to say yes all the time, but for Kisame it was different. He seemed like a nice guy, and Itachi wondered what he was like on the inside.

He had help him untable his hair.

 _Not mention his great muscles and physique. Kisame was one of a kind, and he was super fine… He was perfect… Perfect body indeed._

Itachi scolded himself for thinking about Kisame's body.

 _How he dripped water when he step out of the pool. His wet blue hair was everything to me. I just wanted to run my hand through it. Stroke it like there was no tomorrow…. I wonder how the hell he would look on top of me…_

Itachi gasped at his dirty mind. He couldn't believe he was having such thoughts. It was wrong. He needed to control his hormones.

 _Maybe Kisame could put me in line with his strong muscles…_

Itachi got out of his mind. He had asked Kakuzu to meet him in the park this afternoon. Itachi sat there on the bench.

He waited patiently for Kakuzu to arrive. His phone buzzed. Itachi picked it up.

"Hey." Hidan said. "I can see you."

Itachi looked around for Hidan. "Where are you."

"I the tree above you." Hidan said. "So yeah crush his fucking heart and my sexy ass will repair it."

"How?" Itachi asked.

"By letting fuck me till there is nothing left of me." Hidan said.

"You are a whore." Itachi frowned. He didn't like being so blunt and trashy, but Hidan needed to hear the truth. He was no angel.

"Thank you." Hidan said. He took it as a compliment. He enjoyed being one.

"Here he comes." Itachi hissed. He hung up the phone and Kakuzu joined him on the bench.

"Hello Itachi." He said. Itachi did have to admit, Kakuzu looked nice. He was wearing a pair of black jeans and a tight white T-shirt. His hair looked great as if he had just washed it.

"Hi!" Itachi smiled.

"So what do you want to talk about?" Kakuzu said.

"I… I can't see you anymore." Itachi said. Itachi thought it best to get it over with. He didn't want to talk small talk. He just needed to get on with it. He needed to stab the knife in Kakuzu and run.

"Why?" Kakuzu asked.

"I like someone else, and you dated someone I know." Itachi frowned.

"OH okay, who is the person you know?" Kakuzu said.

"I can't tell you that, but I um…. I think…" Itachi didn't know what to say.

"I really liked you, but we wouldn't of worked out. You're too respectful." Kakuzu laughed.

Itachi frowned. "I guess…"

"Well this is goodbye." Kakuzu said. "One last kiss."

"ummm…" Itachi didn't know what to say.

"C'mon!" Kakuzu looked at Itachi.

"Sure." Itachi didn't know what to say. Kakuzu pecked him on the lips.

"Stop!" Hidan leaped from the tree. Itachi was so startled they broke the kiss. He had forgot all about him. "I thought you were breaking up with him, not fucking him."

"A goodbye kiss?" Itachi frowned. "Kakuzu insisted. Well we're over. You can have him!"

"Good mine." Hidan looked at Kakuzu.

Itachi walked off. He didn't need to be here.

Hidan looked at Kakuzu. He smiled. He really loved the stupid bastard. They had went through a lot. They even went skinny dipping, and it was while they were pool hopping. It was something special to both of them. All the things they shared, all the things they did.

"Hi Kuzu." Hidan laughed.

"What do you have to say?" Kakuzu smiled. He was super excited to see Hidan.

"I love you." Hidan said. "You stupid bastard."

"I love you too, you stupid slut." Kakuzu kissed Hidan, and Hidan was so happy. He was finally back in heaven.

MFV…..

"Hey mama, un." Deidara smiled. "I am off to Sasori's."

"Hi Deidara, where is your report card?" Deidara's mom, Chika, said.

"I am off to um… to um… to… Who told you, yeah?" Deidara asked.

"Your sister goes to your school, remember," Chika said. _Damn Ino…._

"Damn." Deidara groaned. "Alright, it's upstairs."

Chika pulled out his report card. "I got it out of your bookbag."

"You went through my stuff?" Deidara groaned.

"Yeah, and this is a great F." She said. "You can't go to the dance until you get this F up."

"What!"

"Hey." She said. "I am not banning you from seeing Sasori, yet."

"Fine." Deidara groaned and walked out the door. He needed Kisame so bad right now. If he didn't get his grades up, his dreams of losing his virginity perfectly was lost.

MFV….

Deidara was walking home from Sasori's home alone. Sasori asked him did he need to be walked home and Deidara refused. He liked the night time walks, and he needed to clear his head. Of course he took the long way home. He walked in short stives, and he thought about all the things he needed to do.

He hadn't told Sasori that he couldn't go to the dance, mostly because he didn't want him to worry. Deidara needed to do some things on his own.

Deidara took a turn, and then he shocked. Two boys in black hoods ran towards him, and they snatched him.

"mmmogfmsfnaksfmkamfw", yeah." Deidara's mouth was muffled.

"Shut up bitch!" The man said, his voice was deep.

They both grabbed him and put him in a car. They tapped his mouth shut, and tied his hands. They threw him in the trunk.

Deidara began to cry.

"Oh you're crying little bitch!" The assailant said.

"Look at the baby." The other one said.

Deidara began to scream. No one could hear. They closed the trunk and they drove off. Deidara wondered where in the hell was he going. He didn't want to be abducted. He didn't deserve it. He didn't do anything.

What would his mother do, maybe should would be sorry for not letting him go to the dance. His sister will know what a whore she was, and she would regret giving her report card to his mother. Inojin, his dad, would probably be sad. His own son was gone. GONE and DEAD!

The car came to a hult. Deidara felt a warm liquid cover his pants. He had just pissed on himself.

They two men came to get him.

"I bet he has a tight ass." One of them said.

 _They're going to rape me…._

They opened the trunk. They pulled Deidara out of the trunk.

"He pissed on himself."

"Eww," The two men spoke to each other. Then they began to laugh. They covered Deidara's eyes.

They grabbed him down some stairs. Deidara groaned. Deidara was in a chair, and he was all tied up.

They untaped his mouth.

"So should we rape you?" The one with the deep voice said. "What should we do before we kill you?"

"Please. Don't hurt me." Deidara said. "Yeah! I am fragile, and I am a virgin, yeah."

"Oh so you're tight." The voice said back.

Deidara began to cry.

"Gotcha!" Deidara recognized those voices. It was Itachi and Hidan. They were laughing.

"I hate you!" Deidara groaned. They untied him.

"Don't mess with me and Kakuzu." Hidan laughed. "I can't belived you pissed yourself."

"Me either." Itachi laughed.

Deidara was the only one not laughing.

WFV…

 **So tell me what you thought!**

 **AbsoluteAnarchy: Thanks for the review! LMAO! Itachi was truly pettie to date Kakuzu only to piss off Hidan lmao! They did act like school girls. I know Deidara and Sasori finally going all the way, I am happy for them too! :)**

 **ifellinloveandhatedit: Thanks for the review. Oh god I was a little in the rush at the end sadly :( I know I got to stop rushing, that's why my chapter was shorter this time. I do better writing this when I write smaller chapters. :)**

 **moonshadowcuteness1: Thanks so much! :) I totally should of did the catfight thing, but god I hadn't thought of that. I think that would've been to die for :( I know poor Itachi. His life is totally fucked when Kisame asked him out lmao! :)**


	8. Notes on a Break In

There was too much going on in Itachi's life at the moment. Between, school, Hidan, Deidara, and then Kisame. Also not forget he was being forced to go to the dance by his mother, although he would rather be at home.

So school was just a bore. Class to class, people to people, annoying to annoyance, and all the lousy shit in between is just too much for one person to bare. Itachi would rather be somewhere else, doing something much more plausible. He didn't want to face Kisame today. He had already probably scared the poor boy off when Kakuzu approached him.

Kakuzu, his former lover, went back to Hidan. Itachi found them to be odd, but they loved each other and who was Itachi to stand in the way of love. He didn't really like Kakuzu anyway. He just wanted to piss Hidan off.

Lunchtime had rolled around and Itachi found the table to be silent. Deidara and Sasori both looked upset.

"So you think you're so high and might, yeah." Deidara asked.

"What?" Itachi looked at him crazy.

"You know what I am talking about, yeah. You and Hidan were fucking with me, and you kidnapped me. Ring a bell?" Deidara looked at him like Itachi was looking his mind. Itachi had forgotten all about that, but just remembering that wanted to make him burst into tears. They had borrowed Hidan's mother's car and everything. That was a good hour worth of fun.

"Oh. I am sorry." Itachi chuckled.

"It's not funny." Deidara frowned. "See this is why Saso should've walked me home."

"I offered." Sasori hissed. "And you said 'Oh no Sasori. I like to the nighttime walks. I like to clear my head, yeah. Don't worry your wondering mind, Sasori my man.'" Sasori did an imitation of Deidara and Itachi snickered.

"What the hell Sasori." Deidara said. "You know what you're not my man anymore Saso, hmmm. From now on you're Sasori no more Sasori my man."

"Oh… I miss it so much already." Sasori said.

Deidara's mouth made an O.

Just then Hidan approached the table. He had his arms crossed and he looked pissed. Itachi was sure he was angry. Anytime Hidan crossed his arms and walked to the table, they were all in for a treat, not the good kind either. He took a seat in his chair.

Last time when he looked like this he had gotten into a fight with his mother. Which led to him getting angry and stealing lunch money and bullying a couple of kids. He got suspended for about a week. Itachi only hoped he wasn't that bad, but by the look of things he suspected so.

"Are you ok?" Deidara asked.

"Do I look okay?" Hidan hissed.

"Would you like to tell us what is bothering you so much?" Sasori rolled his eyes over Hidan's fit.

"Well that fucker Kakuzu. So I am finally back in heaven… Like really back in heaven. Kakuzu and me are best buds well lovers fuck. I told him 'I love you, you stupid bastard,' and he was like 'I love you, you stupid slut.'" Hidan took a deep breath. "So I invited him over last night and I expected him to fuck me. My mother wasn't there and it was perfect."

"Okay so…" Itachi looked confused.

"He wouldn't fuck me."

"So you're mad because he wouldn't have sex with you. You know how crazy that sounds." Itachi said.

"No it's not crazy. I mean look at you; you're all put together and shit. No one would fuck you, no offense. But me… I was begging to be fucked. I had on my good underwear. The ones with fake blood stains and they grabbed my package real nice." Hidan said.

"Oh what a vision, yeah." Deidara joked.

"Oh fuck you." Hidan said. "Anyways! The fucker said, "I am going on a spiritual journey and I want to be pure. I started yesterday and I want to enlighten myself." Lying ass. He just isn't putting out, because the football team are refraining from having sex, because it will jinx their first game." Hidan frowned. "I know he's being an asshole, when he should be fucking mine."

"So maybe he is trying to be spiritual, yeah." Deidara said. "I mean good for him. He wants to become one with himself. Enlightenment is nice."

"Fuck that." Hidan said. "He should be finding himself in me. Maybe fucking me and that's some real spirituality. I can enlighten him."

"Okay. Hidan this is stupid. You can't force him to have sex you. So drop it. Okay." Itachi rolled his eyes. "When the first game is over then you can have sex. Anyways the first game is this week so be happy."

"Fuck this." Hidan sighed.

MFV…

So Itachi had to figure out how to talk to Kisame. He could just go up and speak to him, but Itachi didn't want to risk embarrassment. Maybe he could just write him a note and put it in his locker? That would be wonderful.

He decided on that. So he went into the library and pulled out paper and a pencil.

 _Dear Kisame._

 _I think you are a nice looking boy (Oh no redo)_

He erased the line

 _Dear Kisame,_

 _Hi… I like you, well I think I do. Anyways I really would like to go to the dance with you. You seem like a nice guy and I would like to get to know you better. Personally and psychically._ (Oh darn… To desperate)

Erase.

 _Dear Kisame,_

 _Hello, how are you? Well you can't talk to me so why am I asking._

Erase.

 _Dear Kisame,_

 _Hello. I have seen you around and I think you're really nice and spectacular. You seem like you're a really sweet and generous person. (I think I know from first hand experience.) Huh.. Well I was scared to talk to you, but I thought I'd be honest in this note. You are really handsome and I would like to go to the dance with you. So there, I said it (or wrote it). I think you're great so… you know where to find me with your answer._

 _Sincerely,_

"What are you writing?" Itachi jumped and almost had a heart attack. He folded the note.

"Sasori don't scare me like that." Itachi takes a breath. "I just finished my homework."

"Oh okay." Sasori said. "Good day… Also don't ever scare my Dei like that again or I'll turn you into a puppet." Itachi eyes widen at Sasori. He said it with so much force and his eyes were red.

"Okay." Itachi said.

"Good." Sasori face went back to normal. "Friends."

"Nothing has changed." Itachi said. They shook hands and Sasori walked away.

 _God, I have got to get some normal friends._

Itachi got up and went to go put the note in Kisame's locker. He went and walked and slid the note through the opening. Once it was in, Itachi smiled. He wonder what Kisame would say by the note.

Itachi had thought about Kisame the other day. He was hot and in swim class he go to him, and he was muscular and sexy. Itachi almost blushed at the thought of Kisame. He just now thought about it, and he was kind of smitten and taken with him.

Just the Itachi's eyes widened. He remembered something. He had forgot to put his name on the note. He started to hit the locker.

"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" Itachi frowned. "I am so stupid."

MFV…

 _I wonder what Sasori is doing? Maybe I can get him to make me some brownies. We made up after lunch so he should make me brownies. OMG we can eat them off each other, yeah. That would be kinda hot… Yeah… It would. I miss him so much… Oh wait Kisame is tutoring listen idiot._

"So you see that. That is how you from moles to grams." Kisame said. "You got it." Deidara honestly could be sleep right now. He hated learning this stupid stuff. It was annoying and he wished Kisame would stop speaking so monotone. He was making this hard and boring. Deidara felt his eyes wanting to drift.

"Ye...ah." Deidara groaned.

"You okay. You sound a little sick?" Kisame asked. "I have some cough drops if you need them. They're right in my book bag."

"Could we make this fun, yeah?" Deidara said. "I am getting real bored, and I hate being bored. I mean at this rate I'll never get my grades up and I won't get to go to the dance with Sasori my man. That really chaps my ass, yeah."

"Oh so if you don't pass, you can't go to the dance?" Kisame looked like he was feeling a lot of pressure. If Deidara didn't do well, it would be kind of his fault for not tutoring correctly. Then he would miss out on the dance.

"So who you going to the dance with?" Deidara asked.

"Don't have a date yet." Kisame said. Deidara felt bad. Someone as hot as Kisame didn't have a date. He was pretty much good looking. He had nice muscles. Sasori would kill him for thinking another guy was hot.

"What no one wants to date you?" Deidara sighed.

"Hush. Not so loud. You make me look like a loser." Kisame frowned. "No I do not have a date yet." Kisame tapped the pencil against the desk. Deidara felt so bad. Kisame looked like all his happiness had been drained. "The guy I wanted to go out with has a boyfriend."

"Oh I'm sorry." Deidara said.

"Yep." Kisame said. "Anyways I got you a little book that should help you. My mother is a chemist and she gave me this book. It has rhymes and stuff in it to help you get better at it. It's in my locker."

"Alright. Let's go get it." Deidara said.

"Cool." Kisame and Deidara got up and went off to go get the book.

They walked down a couple of halls and Kisame came to his locker. He put in the code the first time and it didn't open.

"God. I haven't been here all day and I forget the combination." Kisame frowned. "Wait.. I think I got it." He puts it in again and the locker opens.

A piece of paper carefully fell out the locker. Kisame looked down at it, and picked it up. Kisame opened it and it had words on it. He read it and looked with a dumbfounded face.

"Ohhh...let me read." Deidara snatches the note and began to read aloud.

 _"_ _Dear Kisame,_

 _Hello. I have seen you around and I think you're really nice and spectacular. You seem like you're a really sweet and generous person. (I think I know from first hand experience.) Huh.. Well I was scared to talk to you, but I thought I'd be honest in this note. You are really handsome and I would like to go to the dance with you. So there, I said it (or wrote it, Un). I think you're great so… you know where to find me with your answer, hmm._

 _Sincerely yeah."_

"Oh wow." Deidara said after he reads it aloud. "Someone really likes you, yeah."

"Who do you think it is?" Kisame asked.

"I don't know, yeah. There's no name on it." Deidara said. "I assume it's a guy, because you're interested in guys. So yeah, I mean that lowers it down…" Deidara tried to calculate in his mind.'

"Deidara that's still too many people. We can compare handwriting." Kisame said.

"Well that means we would have to steal papers, yeah." Deidara said. "That will take forever. You have to know the person."

"Yeah you're right." Deidara said. "Okay this is what we will do. I have a yearbook from last year and we can look at you tell me all the people you know, and then we can narrow it down. We can do it tomorrow at our study session."

"Cool." Kisame said. "We have to find him or her before the dance."

"Wait, so are you gay or not, yeah?" Deidara asked.

"Love is love.. Man or woman." Kisame said.

"Oh so you're a freak?" Deidara asked.

"See ya tomorrow." Kisame handed Deidara the book, and walked away.

"Thanks Kisame." Deidara said. "Tutoring tomorrow, don't forget."

MFV…

"Okay Hidan." Itachi said. "You said the janitors cut the power off for about five minutes, between eight and eight o'five so they can reset the power for the night. So it is eight o'clock, and we need to get in there and get that letter. I can't have him think this of me."

"Calm down, fucker." Hidan said. "You said you watched him and he didn't go to his locker at school today. Also I can't believe you like someone."

"What the matter with me liking someone. I mean I am a human too?" Itachi rolled his eyes.

"Whatever." Hidan said. "Come." Itachi followed Hidan as they snuck in through the janitor's entrance. The school seemed different at night.. It seemed haunted. It was too quiet and there was nothing in the hallway. The papers on the wall stayed still and didn't utter a single sound.

The only thing that could be heard was the heat.

"Fuck." Hidan said. "Which way is it. I can't see shit."

"Me either." Itachi turned on his flashlight. "Come on."

They ran and Hidan used his skills to break into Kisame's locker. They opened it.

Itachi made a sigh of relief and began to search for the note. He began to scatter all the stuff around in the locker, in search for it. He went through the gym bag on the floor of the locker as well. There was nothing.

"He got the note." Itachi turned to Hidan with a face of death.

"No." Hidan said.

"Yes." Itachi wiped his face with his hands. "Yes. He fuckin' got it. FUCK!"

"Yeah let it out." Hidan said. "Just let that shit out!"

"FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!" Itachi said. "Now he won't know it's me, so what do I do…"

"You could tell him that you wrote the note." Hidan suggested.

"Then I'll look like an idiot. I guess I will have to find another date." Itachi said. He closed the locker.

"Well okay." Hidan said. "We have to make one more stop."

"I have to get rid of my write up." Hidan said. "I stole some little bitches lunch money and I went in the teachers lounge and ate their cake they made for Mrs. Kurenai's bitch ass."

Itachi rolled his eyes and followed Hidan to the office. He was fucked.

MFV…

 **So hate it or love it. Tell me in a nice review! :)**

 **AbsoluteAnarchy: Thanks for the review! ;) IKR! Sasori is bae lol! Don't worry Deidara is going to get them back ;) LMAO! Spider in their pajamas lmao! SO sinister. Yeah he is all bouncing off walls in the chem lab, he needs to get it together. ;)**

 **Moonshadowcuteness1: Thanks for the reviwew ;) I know Itachi and Kisame have a chance! :) Deidara is really going to get them soon! Of course. Thanks.**


	9. Shut up

With the dance two weeks away, Itachi still hadn't found a date. Everyone was togather and their were a couple of people available, but they were not the kind Itachi wanted to be with. Itachi sighed and stuffed his face with the so so fish sandwich on his lunch tray.

"You can find someone, yeah." Deidara says through bites of his fish sandwich. He's so messy that a few of them fall from his mouth onto his black sweater. "It just takes time, yeah. I've been looking for someone that you could date, but I have yet to find anyone. Sorry, 'Tachi my man."

"Don't worry about it. I might just go stag." Itachi took a swig of water.

"You can tag along with me and Kakuzu." Hidan turned to him. "I know you feel bad, and hey you and Kakuzu been out before so it will be nice."

"I don't want to intrude." Itachi said. "I'm fine going alone." Itachi looked over his empty tray for something else to eat, but he'd ate it all. He had been hard on himself lately. Kisame didn't know it was him who left the note, so now he was fucked. Maybe he could just tell him about the note, but that's a dumb idea.

"You won't be intruding." Hidan said. "Unless you come home with us, then it would be a threesome."

Itachi rolled his eyes, he could leave something up to the imagination.

"Don't listen to him, I'm working overtime to find you a date." Deidara dips his fish sandwich in some ketchup, and Sasori makes a disgusted face. Deidara loves ketchup. "There has to be a guy out there who likes someone who's an introverted genius, yeah. They might be at another school… Oh god I know this hot guy who goes to the school across the way, names Orochimaru."

"No you don't want him. His tongue is too damn long for one human being." Hidan says. "He tried that thing on me... I swear the god I could feel him licking on my intestines."

"Well I'll find someone else, yeah." Deidara drinks his chocolate milk directly from the carton. "I think I'm pretty good at picking out men."

"Yeah…which one of my exes are you gonna pick now." Hidan snorted sarcastically. "I think that I should do the searching. I've had the best track record of getting laid and getting hot guys. Deidara you're not on my level."

"I think I have a good eye, yeah." Deidara frowned. "Itachi my man, tell him." Itachi rolled his eyes. He didn't have time to play reindeer games.

"See he didn't say a thing. He doesn't want you to pick out a guy for him because I am better at doing what I do." Hidan said. "Shit with me I'll have him sexed up as soon as the dance is over."

"Everyone doesn't want sex." Deidara said.

"Yes they do." Hidan chugged his chocolate milk. "If they didn't, there wouldn't be any sex scandals."

"What a stupid comment." Deidara sucked on the inside of his cheek.

"Hey why don't you both just let him find his own date." Sasori intervened. "He's not five, he can make his own decisions."

"No he needs us to make them for him." Hidan said. "Without us he's lost."

"Shut up." Itachi spoke up. He felt like he could kill one of them. He needed silence at the moment, so he gathered his book and bag and headed away. He looked around for somewhere to go. He came across the library first, but he didn't want to go in there. So he decided to head over and sit outside his locker. He could be alone and not in the presence of other people there.

Itachi sat in front of his locker. The hall was was empty and the solution used to wax the floor was prominent at the moment. Itachi decided to read a book. He pulled it out of his book bag and began to read it.

After a few moments, Itachi had lost himself in the book. He was in another world. It was a world without sadness, people, annoyances, and stupid dances. He didn't think about his overbearing mother, who was forcing him to go to a dance he'd rather not attend, at least not without Kisame.

Kisame, there was the route to his problem. Kisame was pretty sexy, and Itachi didn't like to admit that to himself, but he was fond of him. He was very attractive, like his hair, especially when it was wet. Itachi could just ran his hand through it.

"Hey." Itachi looked up from his book to see Kisame.

"Hello, Kisame." Itachi hadn't really spoken to him since the incident with Kakuzu, which was not a nice incident.

"So what's good with you?" Kisame looked like he was headed to the gym. He had on a pair of black shorts and a white tank top.

"Nothing, you headed to the gym?" Itachi asked.

"Yep. I go there during my free period next hour." Kisame said. "So how have you been?"

"Fine." Itachi said. Itachi couldn't take his eyes off of Kisame. Itachi ran his eyes up and down his body. He had muscular thighs and then strong built arms. Then his legs… Kisame must go on forever. He was tall and he was very attractive. Stunned by the man in front of him, Itachi could only let one word fall from his lips. "You?" Itachi realized that he never really looked at Kisame in swim class. When he did, it was like a half look.

"I'm fine. I've been a little tired, so I had a coffee. I didn't work." Kisame chuckled.

Itachi thought about something. Here Kisame was, he could ask him to the dance. Kisame would probably say yes, wouldn't he. "Kisame, you had asked me did I want to go to the dance with you, and I never answered. So I want to ask… do you have a date?" Itachi taps his fingers against the ground hoping he would say no.

"Well I don't have a date yet, why?" Kisame asked. "Aren't you with that dude?"

"No…No...that was just a weird time for me." Itachi tried to steer the conversation away from that. "So maybe we can go togather?"

"Wow, Itachi I would love too." Itachi started to dance in his mind, although his face did not give away a single emotion. "But someone had left me a note in my locker, and they asked me. I would like to get back to them because they were first, sorry."

"Someone asked you through a note." Itachi acted surprised by the information. There was no way in hell he was tell Kisame he was the desperate idiot who wrote that note. He had too much pride. His plan didn't go as scheduled and now he was going to have to roll with it. "How do you know it's real? It could be a fake note. Someone could be pulling your leg."

"Well it sounds real enough." Kisame said. Damn...Itachi did put a piece of himself in that letter.

"What does it say?" Itachi asked.

"Well it's cheesy, but I like cheesy. It says. _"Dear Kisame, Hello. I have seen you around and I think you're really nice and spectacular. You seem like you're a really sweet and generous person. (I think I know from first hand experience.) Huh.. Well I was scared to talk to you, but I thought I'd be honest in this note. You are really handsome and I would like to go to the dance with you. So there, I said it (or wrote it). I think you're great so… you know where to find me with your answer. Sincerely.""_ Kisame read the note to Itachi, who quivered on the inside.

"You see that person sounds desperate and I don't think it's real. So you should just go to the dance with me." Itachi said.

"I will feel bad about this person." Kisame looked away almost nervous. "I tell you what? If this turns out to be a joke or I don't find out who wrote this note by the end of the week, I will go with you to the dance."

 _What is the matter with you? Can't you see I want you...I wrote the note you idiot._ "Okay." Itachi said. "So Friday."

"Friday." Kisame smiled and Itachi could feel a blush creeping on.

"Alright."

"Okay."

"Alright."

"Okay."

"So…" Itachi tried his best to muster a small smile.

"Oh right, I was headed to the gym. See you in swimming and more importantly I will talk to you Friday at the end of the day."

"Right." Itachi said. Kisame walked off leaving Itachi with his book.

Itachi closed the book and he looked up to the ceiling. _This is what I'll have to do… I have to make sure he doesn't find out I wrote that note, so then he can just forget the note... maybe I could just tell him I wrote the note. No then Itachi you'll look like a desperate slut. You can't degrade yourself._

Itachi sighed and he knew what he had to do. He had to stop Kisame. To do that he was going to have to stalk him.

He looked over to his book and he sighed. He forgot to put the bookmark in. Now he had lost his page. "Darn."

MFV

"So I don't know who wrote that letter, yeah." Deidara and Kisame had been on the hunt for who wrote that letter for sometime now. They both had gotten nowhere and they felt like they were lost.

"Well we have to keep looking." Kisame said. Kisame couldn't believe Itachi had asked him to the dance. Itachi was very attractive. He was an A+ on his scale, but there was this problem. Kisame liked Itachi, but how did he know he wouldn't like the person who wrote this letter. So he had to find them, and he was going to search for them. If he didn't like them, then he was going with Itachi.

He felt like he was stringing Itachi along, but he was sure Itachi would do the same thing. He just wanted to see who liked him enough to write him a letter, was that wrong?

"Well I was thinking Zabuza?" Deidara shrugged his shoulders. "He just seemed a little on the gay side to me, he may carry himself all masculine, yeah, but I know he's down for the dick."

"I don't think it was Zabuza?" Kisame said. "I thought he liked that kid with the black hair."

"Eww...That guy looks so young, I bet he doesn't even have pube hair." Deidara said. Deidara was in wait for his grades from the test they took. Kisame had hoped he did well, but Deidara insisted the night before they talk about this mystery person a lot.

"What about that guy with the greyish hair?" Kisame said. "The one that sits at your table."

"I thought about him, but he doesn't like restraint...I think he would be like 'Oh come on Kisame fuck me.' or something like that." Then a thought came to Deidara's mind. "What about Itachi? No nevermind. He is an antisocial. He doesn't like people."

"So we still don't know who the hell wrote this note." Kisame said. Kisame almost jumped when Itachi's name came up, but Kisame knew he wasn't capable of writing that note. Itachi seemed like an introvert, and he wouldn't write a letter confessing that he wanted to be with Kisame.

"Nay." Deidara said. "I tried the girl pool, but I got nothing. I think it has to be a guy. It has too…"

"So that means we have to look harder." Kisame said.

"I guess so." Deidara sighed. "I have an idea?"

"What?" Kisame asked.

"I think the person who wants you has to be something you've did something nice for, yeah." Deidara said. "So who did you do something nice for?"

"Um...I did something nice for Zabuza. I helped him when he forgot his lunch money. Then I also helped out...nope not anyone else." Kisame said.

"Well that's it it's Zabuza." Deidara said. "So what I'm going to do is tomorrow we're going to follow him after school, yeah. With any luck, he'll lead us to his Kisame shrine."

"What?" Kisame looked confused.

"Nothing." Deidara turned away from Kisame. "Follow me, we need to map out a plan.

"Alright." Kisame said.

MFV

Itachi got out of the garbage can to see Deidara and Kisame walking away. There was some milk on there, so there go his good black pants, but atleast he got some information. They weren't after him, they were after Zabuza.

But the big surprise is that Kisame was working with Deidara. When did they become friends?

 _What if Zabuza likes Kisame? Then he'll act like he wrote the letter and they'll get married. Okay that last part was irrational._

Itachi let out a deep grunt and he had to plan once again. He had to go inside Zabuza's world, and if they were doing that tomorrow, he would have to attack first.

MFV

 **So there's chapter 9 :D So nice right? So Itachi doesn't wanna tell Kisame he wrote the note, so sad right? The things pride will make you do? Anyways thanks for all the favs and follows :)**

 **Also I'm thinking this will end up having 14 chapters :)**

 **ifellinloveandihatedit: Sorry about the delayed update. Thanks for the review :) Thanks and I hope you enjoyed this chapter :)**

 **Moonshadowcuteness 1: Thanks for the review and Kisame is gorgeous XD Abs and all XD Thanks and poor Itachi. :(**


	10. Liar Liar

"I don't see why you didn't tell the bastard you wrote the letter." Hidan sighed. Itachi had informed Hidan of everything that's going on, because he needed someone to help him. They were on their way to Zabuza's house, and they trailed Deidara and Kisame. Itachi was starting to feel like a dumb ass. Maybe if we would have explained to Kisame 'Hey. I wrote this letter.' Then everything would be okay.

"Maybe because I don't want to look like the idiot who forgot to put their name on a note." Itachi frowned. "I was just so excited to finally confess my feelings, that kinda came out of nowhere to be honest."

"Maybe you hadn't noticed them." Hidan said. "When I saw Kakuzu for the first time, I was like uh. Who the fuck has weird eyes like that, but about a day letter I wanted fuck the shit out of him. Stranger things have happened. You might have wanted to fuck him all along."

"Hidan. Shut up." Itachi frowned. "I don't think it's that simple."

"If you were going to put your name on it, why don't you just tell him it was you." Hidna screeched. "I know you have this thing where you must appear perfect, but I'm sure you even make mistakes, like taking my boyfriend."

"He wasn't your boyfriend then, and I don't want to appear perfect." Itachi turned the car, and followed Kisame down another street. "I only told you about this so you can help. Not distract me. I have characters flaws, so what."

"Well I'm just saying, if you can't overcome your flaw then you can never truly love yourself. And if you can't love yourself then...you can't love someone else." Hidan preached.

"Oh where did you pick up that line?" Itachi made a sharp right turn, and followed them two cars behind. He could see them in his sight and he was on edge. He can feel his blood racing and his heart pounding. He waited in the garbage can to hear what they had to say. He was not going to let someone else take credit for his note. He wrote that stupid note.

"I don't know...I just felt it." Hidan chuckled. "It was like it flowed out of me. I think I want to be a poet now."

"You can write about all your sexual stuff, and when someone hears it, they might care." Itachi picked up his lemonade bottle to take a sip and he dropped it. "Darn." When they come to a stop, He looked down for a split second and grabbed the bottle. He looked up and he didn't see their car anymore.

He looked to see if they turned, and there was not a single person in sight.

"Where did he go?" Itachi asked Hidan, who was focused on some guy and his dog. "Earth to Hidan."

"Yeah." Hidan turned to Itachi.

"Did you happen to see where they went?" Itachi asked he looked left and right. He caused comtion and anger, he could tell by the honks he was greeting. The speed limit is 45 and he was going a solid five. The light will turn green.

"I don't know." Hidan sighed.

"Did he turn left or right?" Itachi asked. He had no idea where the hell Zabuza lived. He could live anywhere. "Come on…"

"I don't know. I told you that. You're going to have to make a decision." Hidan said as they pulled up to the stop light. "Itachi these people behind you are mad as hell so turn."

Itachi could hear insults being lodged at his him and his vehicle. Some saying _Do you not know the damn light is green?, Move it granny before we kick your ass._ And not to forget _I walk faster than you drive. If I got out of my car I could beat you in a race._

Itachi didn't know whether to turn right or left. What if he lost them?

Well if he kept driving slow he was going to lose him too. So Itachi made a decision. He turned right and flew down the road. He looked for a blue car, but he didn't see one in sight. When they made it to another stop light he sighed.

"Uhhh…" Itachi grimaced. "I don't think this was the right way."

"Why not. I see there car up there parked on the left." Hidan said.

"Really?" Itachi regained hope. He did have a good intuition on things. The light turned green and they parked down the street away from the car. "Okay so how are we going to listen in on the conversation?" Itachi was here, but there was no way he could hear what they were talking about.

He could see them out the back window. Kisame and Deidara had knocked on his door.

"Hidan you got an idea?" Itachi asked.

"You came all the way here with no plan." Hidan sighed.

"I did, but I can't go jump into the bushes now. Can't you see I need time to do that, and if I got out the car, they'd surely see me." Itachi said. "I didn't plan for this, it just happened."

"Calm your tits." Hidan pulled out his phone and began to dial.

"Who are you calling?" Itachi asked. "I need help and you're calling people. I guess I'm on my own."

"I'm calling Deidara." Hidan said.

"Why are you calling Deidara?" Itachi asked.

"Because he's phone has been answering calls for him. So if it works we can listen in on the conversation." Hidan said. "If the idiot didn't get his phone fixed."

"Oh. I didn't know his phone did that." Itachi said.

"Maybe if you'd call people." Hidan complained as he put the phone on speaker. They waited and listen close for the pick up.

"Oh god...Work…" Itachi sighed.

It picked up.

Itachi let out a deep sigh as they heard Deidara and Kisame talking about something. Then a new voice joined the two, it must be Zabuza. Itachi listened closely, but the connection was pretty shitty. There was a lot of static.

Itachi listened closely.

"So I was wondering...this...letter." Kisame said. Itachi cringed.

"What letter?" The voice that belonged to Zabuza said. Itachi could feel his body twitch and his mind spitting out different ideas and outcomes. What if he said he wrote the letter then Itachi would have to hope Kisame thought he wasn't as great as Itachi and leave him. Hopefully.

"Well the letter confessing your love to Kisame, yeah." Deidara said. "We looked at the letter and thought maybe you were desperate to get a date, because you didn't have one. I know it was you Zabuza, yeah. I know it because I made sure of it before we came here."

Hidan started to laugh and Itachi shhhed him.

"So admit it. Admit you want Kisame." Deidara cried out. "Admit you want to hold his hand and squeeze his firm ass, Zabuza my man."

"What the hell?" Zabuza sounded shocked. Itachi knew he was shocked because he didn't write the letter. All this would've been avoided if he did it. "What is this wonderful letter that I'm supposed to have written?"

"Well it says…" Deidara started shuffling in his pockets and moved his phone around.

"Deidara calm down." Kisame stated. "Don't get so mad. We're supposed to be having conversation, besides the letter was written to me."

"Kisame, I love it you so nice, yeah. But when you're dealing with people like Zabuza you have to be mean. Nice guys finish last." Deidara pulled out the note. "We need to get serious. He needs to know we're not playing, un."

"You here Deidara trying to get all hard." Hidan laughed.

"I know right." Itachi said. "I'm surprised Zabuza hasn't ripped Kisame and Deidara a new one." Well he probably couldn't beat Kisame with all his muscles and excellent body. Itachi almost blushed from thinking about Kisame's physique.

"I'll read the letter." Kisame took the note from Deidara. "Alright the note said, ' _Dear Kisame, Hello. I have seen you around and I think you're really nice and spectacular. You seem like you're a really sweet and generous person. (I think I know from first hand experience.) Huh.. Well I was scared to talk to you, but I thought I'd be honest in this note. You are really handsome and I would like to go to the dance with you. So there, I said it (or wrote it). I think you're great so… you know where to find me with your answer. Sincerely.'_ That was the end and we believe that you wrote it."

"Yeah so quit acting like a bitch and confess, yeah." Deidara got buck.

"That's right Dei. Go gangster on him." Hidan cheered on while Itachi rolled his eyes.

"Okay you've been a little disrespective this entire conversation. Don't make me get angry because I will." Zabuza said. "I'd rip you to streads bitch."

"Oh I wanna see you do it Zabuza. You seem like a weekly anyways, Zabuza my man." Deidara hit Zabuza on the chest. "Come on and let's fight if you buck."

"Wait..Wait.." kisame said. "He's just playing. We just want to talk about the letter Zabuza. Keep calm. Deidara is just a little riled up today. He forgot to take his medicine."

"Alright Hoshigaki, I'll back off this time, but next time I won't take so kindly to his bullshit." Zabuza said. "And about this letter you're talking about, I didn't write that shit. It was nice."

Itachi was cheering in his mind. Zabuza didn't falsely admit to writing it. He had a chance.

"Liar." Deidara said. "Confess."

"There is nothing to confess." Zabuza said. "I think I told you all everything. I'm fine. We're fine. You're fine."

"Alright." Kisame said. "If he said he didn't write it, Deidara, then there's nothing we can do about it. All we can do is hope we find the person who wrote this."

"Well...do you have a date for the dance?" Deidara said.

"I wouldn't go with you if you were the last person on the planet." Zabuza said.

I wasn't asking for me, yeah. I was asking for Kisame." Deidara explained. "He's a real handsome man with a nice figure and great body. He'd be perfect for you, you know. I think he might make a uke out of you."

"Wait what?" Kisame looked to Deidara. "I didn't ask you to hook me up."

"You don't have a date, and you need to keep your options open, yeah." Deidara said.

If Itachi were there, he would kill Deidara. What the hell was the matter with him. Kisame and Itachi were meant to go to the dance together, not Kisame and Zabuza. Zabuza was not Kisame's type anyways, not that Itachi really knew what that was. And if Zabuza said _yes._ Would he even except. Itachi was better looking and perfect in every way.

"Awe." Hidan shrugged. "He could've made a uke out of you." Hidan began to laugh. "Deidara is so fuckin' amazing right now."

"Shut up, Hidan." Itachi said. "I can't hear." Itachi listened back in on their conversation hoping Zabuza wouldn't except.

"Kisame you're hot…" Zabuza began.

"See I told you he was down for the dick, yeah." Deidara said.

"Hush." Zabuza said. "What I was going to say is that you're nice but I already have a date."

"Ohhh...Really?" Deidara and Kisame said in unison.

"Yeah. His name is Haku and he's my boyfriend." Zabuza said.

If Itachi wasn't a rhythmless idiot, he would dance his ass off. He would get up and shout if he weren't the emotionless robot he trained himself to be. He smiled. Yes. This was going perfectly.

"Wow...you guys must have been pretty low key about your relationship." Kisame said.

"Yeah. So next time you guys want to come up here. Have some proof." Zabuza said.

"Alright. Well this is awkward." Kisame said. "I think we might go."

"Oh." Deidara sighed. "Well I guess we're going to get going then."

Deidara and Kisame started walking back to their car.

"What was that back there?" Kisame asked Deidara. "Why did you get so angry."

"I had to show him I wasn't play, yeah." Deidara said. "I needed him to know wen meant business, Kisame my man. You will see one day. You can't be nice all the time. Sometimes you have to do the fucking, yeah. In this life it's either you get fucked or you do the fucking. And i don't know about you, but I only get fucked in the bedroom, yeah."

"Well...if we find someone else who wrote the letter, you let me do the talking." Kisame said. "Zabuza was going to kill you."

Hidan hung up the phone and turned to Itachi, who had a deep grin on his face.

"Oh so you're smiling?" Hidan asked Itachi.

"No." Itachi's face went back to normal. "I was just thinking about something. I think I'm going to tell him I wrote the letter. He seemed to want to know who wrote it and I did so...it's time to put on my big boy clothes and confess."

"Well I'm glad you're confessing." Hidan said. "Who knows you might get a new boyfriend."

"Yeah...Maybe." Itachi secretly smiled.

(BREAK)

Confession was the hardest thing to do. It was hard to pour out your soul to someone. They could either appreciate it so much or in the worse case hate you for it. Well Itachi was ready to take that risk. He didn't have a date and Kisame was his only hope.

Itachi planned to meet Kisame after school in the gym. Hidan was supposed to bring him down at any moment and then it would happen. Itachi would confess and then...he would have to hope for the best.

"Go in Kisame. They said the meeting is in the gym. Just sit on the bleachers." Hidan said. "I have to go to the bathroom. I'll be back."

"Okay." Kisame said. Kisame walked in and Itachi sat on the bleachers. Kisame gave him a small smile as he took a seat. "Hello."

"Hi. Okay I'm sure Hidan told you...Um...I want to talk to you." Itachi was tripping over his words like a stupid school girl.

"Huh? No he told me that they were having a special meeting for a class." Kisame said. "I didn't know...That you wanted to talk?"

"Oh…I didn't tell him to lie, if that's what you think," Itachi cursed Hidan. Now he looked even more desperate. "I wanted to tell you something."

"Itachi if this is about the dance, I still haven't found out who wrote the letter." Kisame said. "So I don't think I can go with you. I told you to give me till Friday. It hasn't come yet." Kisame scratched his soft blue hair, and Itachi wanted to touch. "So...I think.."

"I know that you haven't found out who wrote that letter." Itachi interrupted.

"How?" Kisame asked.

"Because I wrote it." Itachi said. "I wrote the letter and I didn't tell you because I thought that you would think it was desperate and cheesy. And I would be seen as an idiot who didn't know how to sign a letter. I didn't know you would think it was romantic."

"Well...I kinda have a special place for cheesy stuff." Kisame said.

"So I wrote it." Itachi said.

"I don't believe you." Kisame stated. "I think you're just saying that."

"Why would I lie?" Itachi asked.

"Because you don't want me to find out who really wrote this letter." Kisame said. "Then you'll have me all to yourself."

"I'm not that cynical." Itachi responded.

"You're not telling the truth. I don't know, there's something untrustworthy about you. You seem like the type that will smile all in my face and then...you'd kill me and my whole family when I least expect you to." Kisame said. "I think you just lost yourself a potential...date."

"No…" Itachi felt like an idiot. "I wasn't...Kisame. I did write the letter. I did...I wrote it."

"No you didn't Itachi. You're lying, and I hate liars." Kisame stormed out of the gym,

Itachi sad on the bleachers and this was worse that before. Now he had no date and no life.

He placed his elbows on his knees and his face on his palms. Life was horrible.

(BREAK)

 **Tell me what you thought! ;)**

 **Absolute Anarchy: Thanks ;) LMAO! Yes Deidara always gets some good lines XD Itachi does need to grow a pair and he did in this chapter (sadly it didn't work out.) Oh well you don't eat fish with ketchup (so good. Like fried fish with ketchup. Love. XD). But eww Ketchup on Tuna :( EWWW...I agree with you. Sasori just has to deal with it XD. He loves his Dei, even when he's doing something that's not so flattering**

 **Guest: Thanks ;) LMAO XD Well it won't go exactly like that, but I do love the idea of Itachi and Kisame's abbs XD**

 **Dragon77: Thanks ;) I hope you enjoyed this chapter :)**


	11. My your own Business

Itachi laid in his bed looking up to the ceiling with droopy eyelids. Today was the day before the dance and not a single soul was available to attend the soiree with Itachi. A ruff burst of air came out of his mouth as he pushed a chunk of his midnight hair out of his face. Today was bound to be a disaster.

Besides Kisame pretended Itachi didn't exist. He didn't even help him untangle his hair after swim class anymore. Itachi could see his angered expression when he caught Kisame glancing at him through the reflective glass in the bathroom.

Itachi's clock went off and he'd closed his eyes. He'd rather go down stairs and tell his mother he was sick so he didn't have to go to school and then he'd tell her he was sick tomorrow so he didn't have to attend the dance alone. Still he was sure his mother would undoubtedly force him into a suit and drive him to the dance and stand outside incase Itachi tried to ditch the dance. Itachi should know when Mikoto wants something, she gets it.

She always said he famous line "I don't ask for much. So could you just do this one thing."

Itachi slung his arm over and punched the alarm clock. He scooted to the edge of the bed, his toes hitting the ground.

 _I should just skip school today._ Itachi went over to the closet and grabbed a pair of black pants with a black sweater, which was unlike his usual casual dress. After a quick shower and dressing he went downstairs to join the family for breakfast, which Itachi dreaded. The topic of conversation today would most likely be the dance that Itachi was being forced to attend.

"Morning Itachi." Mikoto called from the kitchen that she bounced around in like a ballerina on stage. She made graceful movements as he placed food on plates and delivered them to Itachi and his father. She sat a plate down for Sasuke, who joined them seconds later with the usual angry expression on his face.

"I am so tired." Sasuke groaned.

"Well you shouldn't have been up all night studying with your boyfriend?" Fugaku said.

"Naruto is not my…"

"Oh save it for someone who's blind." Mikoto hummed as she took at seat the table with a knowing smirk on her face. "So have you heard?" She turns to Itachi with eyes that sparkled like glitter and a smile that that reeked of sugar.

"Heard what?" Itachi asked.

"Sasuke is going to the dance with Naruto." Oh that was obviously going to happen, Itachi thought to himself. He didn't really care about Sasuke and Naruto love hate relationship. He was more caught up in the fact that he would be sitting in a corner alone praying someone had broken his leg or shot him in face.

"Really?" He decided to say.

"Yep." Mikoto gave Sasuke a smile, to which Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"He asked me and I wasn't doing anything better." Sasuke wouldn't admit to wanting to go with Naruto even if someone held a gun to his head.

"Did you find a date yet?" Mikoto asked. "There are so many eligible bachelors and bachelorettes. You don't even have to like someone that you go with. You can go and forget about them the next day."

"Like a one night stand?" Sasuke chimed in.

"No. No one is havinig intercours and I guess Fugaku and I don't have to talk to you about the birds and the bees since you obviously won't be making any new birds or bees."

"Hey."

"But Itachi do you have a date?" His mother had that smile on her face that made Itachi feel like he'd disappoint her if he told her no.

"Umm…"

"So you don't." Mikoto sighed. "Well you have today and tomorrow. Why don't you go with Hidan. He doesn't have the nicest mouth and god knows he's icky and the most put together of your friends. Not to mention his posture is horrible, he loves to eat onions, he has a weird fascination with blood, remember when Sasuke cut himself and he tried to lick the blood...nevermind I'd rather you go alone than go with Hidan."

"No I had a date but he had to do something, so he couldn't go."

"Well," Fugaku shrugged. "What can you do? Maybe you can go to the dance and still someone else's date. That's how I met your mother."

"That's not funny." Mikoto said.

"What it was joke." Fugaku said. "Itachi I'm sure you'll find someone else."

"Yeah." Sasuke took a snip of his orange juice. "I'm sure there's another loser that doesn't have a date wandering around the school looking for you."

"That's not nice." Mikoto sighed. "And Itachi you're wearing that today? You looked like you just rolled out of bed. No real human being is going to want you when you're dressing like you decide to go dumpster diving for clothes."

"I don't look that bad." Itachi groaned and stuff his mouth with a biscuit. He wasn't at all hungry but he knew he wouldn't hear the end of it if he decided to skip breakfast. So he ate as much as he could.

"Are you upset that the boy couldn't attend the dance with you?" Mikoto asked. "Because you've been very distant and depressing lately."

"I mean a little…"

"You liked him?"

"Maybe…"

"Well it's apparent you had some sort of thing for him."

"Can we not talk about it?" Itachi asked as he gulped his orange juice. "Why don't we talk about Sasuke and Naruto?"

"Yeah like what we're you and Naruto really doing till one in the morning?" Fugaku asked.

"Studying." Sasuke groaned with an eye roll. "What do you think I'm just throwing myself at him and having sex in parents home. If I had sex I'd make sure you two didn't know a thing about it."

"Good because I don't care to know about the things you and your boyfriend do." Mikoto said.

"Well...I don't want to listen to what you and dad do…" Everyone at the table froze as Sasuke spoke.

"What do you mean by that?" Mikoto said.

"I'm just saying dad is a little loud."

Mikoto began to snicker, while Fugaku turned a fierce red. The ends of Itachi's mouth turned up. Maybe today wouldn't be as bad as he thought.

(BREAK)

"Yes!" Deidara cried out like he had won the lottery. "I passed the test and I can go to the dance with Sasori." He danced around his room like a girl with a hairbrush singing some catchy pop song.

"What are you doing?" Ino opened the door with a look of disbelief spread across her face.

"I'm walking on sunshine…" Deidara jumped off the bed and grabbed his bookbag. "Something you'd be doing if you had a boyfriend that you could go to the dance with because you're finally passing chemistry."

"Oh congrats." Ino smiled. "I'm happy you're passing your classes finally. I took you long enough."

"Well this is amazing because I'm going to be the life of that dance and mom can't say a thing about my grades anymore. I got a couple of C's, a B, and an A in ceramics." Deidara gloated as he put on a pair of sneakers. "Ciao bella; see I'm passing french."

Deidara rushed down the stairs and to the door like a dog awaiting it's owner. "Bye mother he shouted to the kitchen to which he replied with a simple "bye." Sasori pulled up at his house in his two seater convertible and Deidara hopped in. It was fall, but Deidara felt like it was summer for some reason.

"Let down the top down, Sasori."

"It's forty degrees outside." Sasori complained.

"So what I like it." Deidara hummed.

Sasori sighed but obeyed and pushed the button. The top flew back and tucked itself in its case. Deidara threw his hand up like a wasted teenager at a party and cranked up the music.

Sasori stared at his boyfriend like he'd lost his mind. What the hell was going on with him, Sasori thought to himself. Maybe he's excited about the dane? That was the only explanation Sasori could come up with. Oh nevermind, Sasori remember what was going on with Deidara.

He probably saw that his grade in chemistry rose to a C. He didn't tell Deidara, but Sasori knew that his mother wouldn't let him go to the dance if he didn't get his grade up, because Ino told him. His little sister couldn't hold information to save her life, so Sasori got Zetsu (a friend from his physics class) to hack into the computer and change Deidara's grade. That was over a week ago though, so the blond was just now looking at his grade. Sasori sighed. The things he did for his boyfriend.

"Saso, don't you think it's going to be a good day today, hmmm?" Deidara shook his head as he danced.

"Don't know." Sasori sighed. "It seems as regular as it usually is, except you're in the best mood I've even seen you in." Deidara was always happy, but today he was too happy.

"I'm just happy Sasori. You should be more happy too…" Deidara rejoiced as Sasori parked the car. "I just am excited for the dance. I know you insisted that we match, but I don't want to wear red. I was thinking I could wear like yellow and then we could wear like orange shoes because and yellow make orange."

"I'm not doing that." Sasori commented. "That'll be horrible and it'll clash."

"I think I'd look kinda good?" Deidara smiled.

"No. Why can't you just wear red and black like me?"

"Only if I can wear a...pink maybe." Deidara said. "Yeah pink and black?"

"You know what, surprise me because if you tell me what color you're going to wear I might not go with you." Sasori decided. It was no point of trying to bring Deidara back from his planet of colors and ideas. He gets really caught up in his own mind sometimes, and Sasori gets annoyed to no end.

"Okay so I will wear black, but I can pick the other color for like my tie and stuff?" Deidara questioned.

"Yeah." Sasori said. "I believe that's what I getting at." He grabbed the blond's arm and dragged with into the cafeteria for breakfast. He grabbed a poptart and so did Deidara. They sat in the corner at ate.

"I hope the decorations at the dance aren't tacky." Deidara complained. "We should've signed up to do them."

"Student government handles that."

"Oh that's so stupid. The same idiots that picked the theme under the sea, yeah." Deidara groaned. "Why do do they get all the power if they make stupid decisions with it. Last year they did the boring masquerade and next year I'm sure they'd pick something equally dumb like princesses and prince, fairy tail kingdom."

"That isn't a bad idea." Sasori said. "If we made the setting very regal and unique, I think that could be a winner."

"And like maybe a couple of explosions of pop colors." Deidara eyes sparkled like Cinderella when she was blessed with that grown from her fairy godmother.

"Deidara, no one wants pop colors." Sasori said. "It should be more old timey with maybe a bridge and a castle like setting, with a throne and…"

"And fireworks." Deidara said. "And at the end of the night, when the clock strikes twelve all the decorations explode and turn into ash, making the party a fleeting memory of beauty and color."

"No...I think they would remember it as a positive experience if everything stayed beautiful and colorful."

"Well that's no fun, yeah."

Sasori face palmed. "It isn't supposed to be." He gritted out. "It's supposed be a sophisticated event that people can enjoy and not remember it for the exploding decorations."

"Boring...just sayin."

"Hey." Sasori turned to a tall blue man who approached the table with a light smile and his eyes were on Deidara. "Deidara I need to talk to you about something." Sasori hoped he wasn't about to ask his blond to the dance.

"Oh Saso this is my friend, Kisame. He helped me with my chemistry." Deidara said, oh right Deidara did mention to him something about Kisame, but he didn't know how he looked. "What happened, take set." Deidara motioned for Kisame to sit next to them.

Kisame took a seat. "Well you know that note that I found, that was written by someone?" Sasori intrest sparked, while Deidara nodded.

"The one you got from a secret admirer." Deidara said.

"Yep." Kisame said.

"Oh so this is the guy with the note?" Sasori asked.

"Yep Danna, this is him. He was the one…"

"Oh so he's your tutor and you're his match maker?"

"Pretty much, yeah." Sasri assumed Kisame must've been a bad tutor considering Deidara didn't do that well on the test. He got a D+. "Continue, yeah." Deidara directed.

"Well...you know Itachi Uchiha?" Sasori was bored and chewing on his pop tart, but when he heard Itachi's name his ears perked up.

"Oh Itachi, yeah. I knew him forever."

"Well he said he wrote the note, but I know he's lying because he only told me that after I told him about the note. And he's also been trying to go to the dance with me for like awhile, not to mention I asked him first." Sasori spit his pop tart out, which earned him looks from Deidara and Kisame. Sasori couldn't believe Itachi had written the note to Kisame?

"Oh Itachi's hot, why don't you go with him?" Deidara and Kisame went back regular conversation like the Sasori thing never happened.

"Well I hate liars and he tried to lie to me and say he wrote the note when I know he didn't."

"Wow. Well did you find out who wrote the note, yeah?" Deidara asked.

"No."

"Oh shit, yeah. So now you don't have a date and then Itachi...ehhh...I am going to confront him about this. He's my friend and he tried to play you, yeah. That makes me look bad for being his friend."

"What?" Sasori finally said something. "That doesn't make any sense."

"Yeah. We have to go confront Itachi on Kisame's behalf. No one likes liars, yeah."

"You can't go confront Itachi on Kisame's behalf. This has nothing to do with you."

"It has everything to do with me, yeah. " Deidara said. "I've been apart of this since day one." Deidara holds up one finger. "Day one." He repeats, trying to make it sink into Sasori's head.

"I mean if you want to ask him, you can." Kisame said. "I was just asking. I guess I might just go to the dance stag and the sad part was I actually wanted to go with Itachi, but the note came along then I found out he was liar."

"Damn...that doesn't make any sense. We can't sit here and let your heart be broken. What kind of person would I be if I did that? Itachi needs to be confronted."

"You should mind your business." Sasori complained.

"Deidara it's okay. I'm sure there's someone else I can go with and I might find the person who wrote this letter."

"Nope, hush little Kisame don't you cry." Deidara tells Kisame. "Deidara and Sasori going to find the truth beneath these lies."

"Oh god." Sasori facepalms.

(BREAK)

Hidan was smiling again. His eyes were sparkling again and he could feel better again. Now that he had Kakuzu back and Itachi wasn't trying to poach him, Hida felt so much better. It was like the world had given him the okay to be happy again.

So he strolled to class happy. His new agreement with his mother was he would go to his classes and she would let him stay with Kakuzu.

"I so fuckin' awesome." Hidan danced as he went into his locker. He closed it. "AHhhh...What the fuck." and there was Deidara standing there piecing blue eyes. "What the hell Deidara? What the fuck are you doing behind my locker? You can't fuckin' scare me like that, if I hadn't had to give me knife to my mother you'd be one dead bitch."

"Where's Itachi?" Deidara asked.

"Oh he's like pouting or something. He's been in some mood since last week."

"I know he has, but I want to talk to him about something." Deidara said.

"What?"

"You know he lied to Kisame." Deidara explained the story of what happened with Kisame the note and Itachi. "I need to confront him about his lies."

"Shouldn't Kisame be confronting Itachi about his lies?" Hidan asked.

"Kisame can't think right now. He's so distraught. HE even cried on my shoulder this morning, yeah. I had to console my child." Deidara tried to act mother-like, but Kisame didn't cry a single tear this morning nor did he lay on his shoulder.

Hidan gave Deidara the bitch-please face. "On your shoulder?"

"Yep. He's my giant. He has such a big heart and Itachi shot an even bigger arrow full of lies right into his giant heart, yeah."

"I don't know about all that."

"I just explained to you what he did, yeah." Deidara said and Sasori came up behind Deidara with an annoyed expression. He didn't know how Sasori put up with it.

"Well you're wrong. Itachi did right the note sicko." Hidan said. "And he's in the empty science lab upstairs sleeping."

"How do you know he wrote the note?"

"Because I saw him put the bitch in Kisame's locker and we tried to prevent you from going to Zabuza's and getting to any other's leads house."

"You slashed Kisame's back tires that one day?" Deidara asked.

"With my teeth." Hidan licked his pearly whites.

"So Itachi did write the note…" Deidara was boggled.

"Why didn't you just ask him before confronting him, or maybe mind your own business." Hidan said. "Remember what happened last time when you decided to mess with someone's love life. You fuckin' gave my boyfriend to Itachi bony ass and then had the nerve to call him Karakoo. You are not cupid. Quit trying to be, and you know even cupid is a little bitch who fucks with people. I think you're fuckin' enjoying this."

Deidara was silent, while Sasori made a I-told-you-so face.

"You need to mind your own business. If you didn't do any of this shit, everyone would've been fine. Itachi would've never talked to Kakuzu and then when Kisame asked him out and he would've said yes and everyone would've been happy."

"Ouch…" Deidara grimaced. Was he really that bad? Did he really cause all of this to happen? He ruined people's love lives when all he wanted to do was get them together in the first place?

"Now if you excuse me, I'm going to get fitted for a schoolgirl skirt. Kakuzu can't resist that shit." Hidan darkly laughed as he walked away.

(BREAK)

Itachi hoped the time ticked faster so he could go home. He was such an idiot for thinking that he could actually have a shot at happiness. He was an idiot for thinking he could actually in a relationship with Kisame. Why can't things ever work in his favor. Maybe he should've been straight honest from the beginning and told Kisame he wrote the note and then they could live happily ever after, but of course he had to do things the hard way.

Look where that got him.

"Hello, yeah." Itachi looked up to see the last person he wanted to see right now, Deidara. Well this was partially his fault. He introduced him to Kakuzu, which started all the of the shit. He and Kisame would've been cuddling and watching a film if it wasn't for Deidara.

"Go away." Itachi grumbled as he put his head back down.

"I'm sorry…" Deidara said.

"I don't want to hear it." Itachi said. "It's not even your fault. It's mine. I should've told Kakuzu he wasn't my type, but I kept continuing a relationship with him to piss Hidan off and then I should've admitted to myself that I liked Kisame, but I didn't. It's not your fault."

"No I should've let you find love on our own and the note you wrote Kisame was lovely." Deidara said.

"Who told yo-"

"Hidan."

"He talks too much."

"In his denese, Kisame told me first and I was coming in here to confront you fro all the lies you told, but then Hidan told me about myself, yeah, and I feel bad, yeah." Deidara said.

"Well you should."

"How can I make it up to you?" Deidara asked.

"There is no way to make it up to me. I've been sad for a week and someone tripped and spilt milk all over my sweater so I had to take it off and I'm cold." Itachi didn't complain, but listed off facts.

Deidara sighed and took off his jacket and handed it to Itachi.

Itachi rolled his eyes, but hesitantly took the jacket. It smelt like Sasori. "Is this Sasori's?"

"Yeah. Return it when you get done, yeah." Deidara sighed. "So..do you want to ditch the rest of our classes and force Sasori to take us to get ice cream and dango?"

"Sure…" the corners of ITachi's mouth turned up slightly. It was so small someone who didn't know Itachi wouldn't notice he was smiling.

(BREAK)

 **Tell me what you thought**

 ***sigh* that was the new chapter of MY Funny Valentine. OMG I really miss this story and writing this made me fall in love with it all over again. Anyways there are 14 chapters so there's 3 left and I left this was a big leap forward in the story.**

 **Also not to mention Deidara was finally confronted about minding his business. That's why this chapter was more about Deidara and Sasori (there was some cute SasoDei moments and next chapter is going to be amazing) and finally we might see some KisaIta! XD I've been waiting for this ;)**

 **Dragon77: IKR poor Itachi *sigh* and yeah Deidara needed to go gangsta. He was feeling himself when he was talking to Zabuza, who is very intimidating.**

 **AbosluteAnarachy: That does sound like something wonderful she would say XD :) and she'd probably be sassy with it. Deidara is wonderful XD ;) I enjoy writing his parts and yep we all want KisaIta but Itachi is just making it difficult and now Kisame is. Kisame doesn't believe him because he thinks it's weird Itachi said he wrote the note after Kisame told him about it.**

 **Genni Sempai: LMAO! *screams* don't worry things will be fine XD LOL don't kill Kisame, Itachi might be distraught XD a traitor's death!, lol XD I love it.**


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